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Thoughts on Underwear

In a previous article, I stated that I like to always maintain a proper barrier between myself and the great outdoors. And that is what underwear does.

Me, in a thong? I don’t think so. I tried one on once, I think it was a Monday, and couldn’t find it until Thursday. And besides, I spent a good fraction of my life pulling wedgies out. Why on earth would I want to place one intentionally!? By the way, I think wedgie-picking in public should not be frowned upon, but embraced as a necessity, like using a toothpick after eating beef jerkey.

I was first introduced to “granny panties” by my mother-in-law. Well, being a practical person myself, I bought some and loved them. Oh, I suffered. The cruel remarks of my Victoria’s Secret friends were sometimes scathing. But I persevered, and I knew that every time I rode in a plane, my life was secure due to the fact that I had a built in parachute/flotation device should I need one.

The underwear dilemma continues on in my twelve-year-old son. As we were walking into Target, he told me the new thing is satin boxers. Well, since he pays for his own clothes, the $8 price tag was hard to swallow. But, I have never seen him be so completely happy in all his days. He couldn’t stop talking about them. I overheard him telling his sister that he has the answer to world peace and it’s a pair of satin underwear. I believe he actually mentioned a party in his pants.

Maybe the boy has a point; maybe we need to send satin boxers to world leaders everywhere.

And I am looking for some granny panties, in satin, please.

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