Who Wears the Shoes in This Relationship?
He’s not gay. He’s not even really metrosexual. So, why does my husband have more shoes than me? He’s breaking all the stereotypes of the materialistic wife that needs a separate closet for her shoes. Imelda Marcos would die. But, everyday I wake to the reality that he never has a problem finding shoes for an outfit, and I do.
How did this happen? Well, truth be told, he has a size thirteen shoe. So, unlike me—the average eight and a half—when we go to the upscale discount stores (I love that oxymoron), he always finds a steal on the shelves for under $100. How so? Well, he always wears flats. And he doesn’t care that the guy next to him is trying on the same pair of shoes. He doesn’t seek out the impossible shoe-find (i.e., the sensible, yet fashionable, yet sexy, yet perfect suede brown, not too high, not too flat shoe). He doesn’t try to match shoes with outfits.
I should be happy about this situation, but I’m not. Why? I want the shoes, damnit! I’ve tried many different approaches to building up my shoe empire in hopes of conquering his, and I’m going to share them with you.
One for him. One for me. When the hubby and I hit the rack or the basement for fashion discounts, I make it a point to shop with him first. He gets my undivided attention. Because he has the big foot and no agenda, this usually doesn’t take too long. And with me there, urging on his shoe addiction, he’s likely to reward this support with a trip to my side of the store and spend all the time necessary to find me a pair too. This is not trickery, ladies. It’s strategy.
Seek the online goldmine. Men rarely have the time or stamina required to search Zappos or Bluefly or Shoes.com for that gem of a shoe bargain. Sure, they can surf ESPN for stats and various Triple X sites for…well that’s another story, but they would never look more than a minute online for shoes. This is our goldmine, ladies. We can get two pairs of shoes online for everyone one he finds in the store, and still at a reasonable price.
The bargain road less traveled. JC Penney. Old Navy. TJ Maxx. Target. Although these stores are acceptable venues of fashion to us females, the males shy away from them like Chanel shies away from polyester blends. You know what I’m saying. When a trip to said destinations is mentioned, a sense of inexplicable discomfort consumes them. They’d be willing to clean out and organize your cosmetics drawer before they’d accompany you on the journey. Why? Don’t ask questions! Just go. This is one more source for shoes you have that he doesn’t. Score one for our team.
Buy more tennis shoes. This is where The Love of My Life gets me every time. Sneakers. Because it’s fashionable to wear Vans or Chuck Taylors with khakis or business casual attire, he buys one of every color. He also has a pair of athletic shoes for every sport he could ever possibly play. Cleats for the office softball team. Golf shoes for the recreational golf league. Basketball shoes for the intramural team. Running shoes. Trail running shoes. Soccer shoes (and he doesn’t even play soccer). He’s got me beat. It’s so easy to rack up the numbers when a sport comes into the picture. So, to stay in the game, I’ve taken to buying fashionable runners myself. There’s been an overhaul in the women’s tennis shoe category, or haven’t you noticed that Stella McCartney mashed up with Adidas and Christy Turlington got in bed with Puma? Also check BC Ethic and even Keds is better looking these days.
The thing is, I’m happy that my husband has an avid interest in shoes, really. Shopping trips are much more enjoyable. I’m just a little old fashioned (read: jealous) when it comes to who wears the pants and who wears the shoes. Namely, me wearing the shoes. This is one battle I’ll fight to the grave. And, I plan on doing it in fabulous footwear.