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I’m Considering a Career Change

I’ve decided to tender my resignation. This is not a rash decision; it is one I’ve been reflecting about for quite a while, especially after a recent conversation with a neighbor. I feel I have all the qualifications necessary to argue and litigate legal cases, so I shall offer my services to the major law firms in my Central Florida area (and perhaps nationwide), until one of them has the great fortune to hire me.

Oh, you didn’t know I had such talent? Well, based on my neighbor’s logic, I do. You see, she approached me about medical transcription, and inquired as to how she could get started in the field. She has a computer at home, and is a stay-at-home Mom, so she feels up to the challenge. Her sterling qualification to transcribe medical reports is that she takes her children to the doctor frequently, and has gotten “familiar with the lingo.” Based on that reasoning, since I have watched Judge Hatchett, (and others) with slavish devotion spent on digesting Judge Judy’s pearls of wisdom—as well as the added experience of having been on jury duty no less than four times (with bonus points for being elected foreman in a criminal case)—I feel more than ready to stand in for F. Lee Bailey and his ilk, and to dazzle any judge lucky enough to have me in his courtroom.

I’m sure we all have been subjected to the misguided delusions of a friend or acquaintance who thinks he or she can do our job. I start out insulted, and then as the conversation progresses and I hear the justification for knowing how to do my job, I get more and more incredulous. It’s like me walking up to an pharmacist and saying I can fill prescriptions because I take medications, or me telling a popular local anchor I will do the six o’clock news from now on because I watch it, or me advising the editor in chief of our local newspaper I’ll take over the Sunday editorial chore because I’ve been reading the paper for longer than most of the staff. Better yet, how about me blasting off in Atlantis and helping out with the maintenance of the space station, since I’ve been watching space launches for the past forty-odd years? Moreover, I’ve probably seen more space launches than even the current astronauts, hence I think that qualifies me to be mission commander.

Oh, if only it was it so easy to do my job. Even with eliminating the eaters, sneezers, gum chewers, whisperers, lispers, burpers, drawlers, as well as yawners and those who indulge in “side-bar conversations,” a few visits to the doctor will not qualify one to transcribe brain surgery.

On second thought, perhaps I’ll just ask for an LOA. I might not like my new career as a lawyer. With all the different life experiences I’ve had, I’m sure I can find a new career for which I’m equally qualified.

Too bad being mayor is an elected position …