It’s not just about reality; it’s about life, your family, your friends, your motivations, your career, your children, and most of all, yourself. I’ve found that coming to terms with reality can be overwhelming; it can seem to be similar to a dream. You can repeat your entire life over and over and think, I did that? What was I thinking? And the most famous, What possessed me to act like that?
When I was in junior high, another girl and I got into trouble—the principle didn’t understand the situation, but felt compelled to ask me, “What possessed you to do that?” My answer? I don’t know ... simple as that. You never realize how silly, mundane, childish, and self-centered you can be, especially not until you have kids of your own and your entire life is going backwards.
My life has been upside down and torn into bits. I’ve traveled more in the past four years then I ever have in my life, and in this course, more like a crash course, I’ve been trying to find myself. I call it “finding my zen,” that little spark of happiness that you get just for an instance before you turn into the raging, psychotic, and undermining bitch. I want that little spark, I want that happiness, because I’m certainly sitting in bitch mode and have been for a couple years now.
It’s not that I enjoy sitting in bitch mode, and it’s not that I enjoy nagging and being a control freak on my son or my significant other, but sometimes, in fact most of the time, I feel that if things don’t go my way everything will wreak havoc on me for the rest of my life. This is where “coming to terms with reality” falls in. A few days ago, I was complaining to my son how dirty he’ll get if he plays in the dirt—wait. It’s dirt and when you play in it, you’ll get dirty ... And all the while I’m thinking to myself, “I played in mud when I was four and my mom didn’t care, so why should I? Reality is, my son can get dirty, and there will always be a bath afterwards. I just have to get used to that fact. Besides, I get dirty just about everyday, and I can honestly say, sometimes I won’t shower for two days just because I’m so lazy.
So, now it’s time for me to come to reality all the time, whether it be about my son, my love life, and family ... some things are more important and surely bitching about not being able to ride a bike to exercise or not letting my son play in the mud is not on a “high priority” list.