Life has this awkward way of showing us our faults. It may not be as obvious as we would like but sometimes it’s the subtle approach that makes a difference.
Here I was bored, web-surfing when I came upon this article on this site on ways to NOT treat a new father. In my head I didn’t want to read it because I figured I’m a pretty good spouse and I have probably never done any of the things that may appear on the list. Imagine my surprise when I read the article and saw so many things that I had done to my husband. I felt really bad.
We have just recently had twin boys in April. I also have a four-and-half-year-old daughter but the twins are his first and second biological children. To his credit he’s taken care of my daughter as if she were his since she was almost two. Needless to say being a mom isn’t new to me although the “twin” scenario gives me a lot more than me or my hubby had bargained for. Our sons are eight months old and are currently teething. One of them has four teeth and the other just two. Screeching cries break our sleep and arouses us to our parental duties. Our nightstand doesn’t hold a lamp. Instead a basket containing everything we need from baby Tylenol to diapers to teething rings. Just so that we don’t make unnecessary trips in the middle of the night we keep everything within arms reach. Most of the time we have to get up several times during the night because the twins are never up at the same time. It’s hard, but we would do anything to keep them healthy and happy because they make us so happy.
Some days I wonder what other twenty-four year olds are out doing. I want to go out for drinks or dancing sometime but I can’t because even when I have a sitter, I’m too tired to do anything anyways. The exhaustion plays a part on our relationship because when I get that tired I try to analyze why I’m so tired. That’s when I start snapping at my husband for the things he should’ve done or could’ve done to alleviate my stress. I spend so much time criticizing him, I’m not sure I show him I appreciate him.
A lot of people say when a man watches his children it’s not babysitting. They are right. But when you take into consideration that so many men don’t do it, it downplays all the men that do take care of their children while the mommies are away or even absent.
My husband changes as many diapers as I do and probably makes more bottles. Even now as I write this article he’s at home with the kids while I work. He works for a school so his vacation is the same time as theirs. It’s like he doesn’t even have a vacation.
By nature we as mommies take over situations and assume that we would do anything to keep our homes running smoothly and the kids clean, healthy and happy. But all too often I’m sure many of us don’t give credit to the men who contribute to our day-to-day routines. Hell I had to change a lot of the “I” in this article to “we”. I didn’t realize that so many times I was up taking care of the kids that he was right along side me chipping in.
I appreciate him and I need to let him know. I hope those of you who are as oblivious as I once was can see that maybe a little appreciation can go a longer way to creating a better relationship. Whether it’s a romantic night for together time or even a simple hug or “thank you,” take the time, because no one likes to feel underappreciated.