Dear Madame X,
Every year, my wife has a fling with Santa Claus. I have no idea how the tradition was started because it predates our relationship. She told me up front when we got together that this was only a once-a-year thing, and that she was not willing to give it up. I didn’t mind at the time—I thought we’d get better presents.
But this year, our daughter saw her mommy kissing Santa Claus underneath the Christmas tree last night—and I know she’s confused. What can I tell her? She’s five, and I don’t want to scare her.
—Daddy Who Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
Oh dear! I wonder what Mrs. Claus thinks of this?
The thing about having both an open relationship and children is that you really ought to have had a plan in place about what to tell your kids. You can’t always rely on Santa to come around and erase their memory with his magical powers.
For the sake of the kids, it probably would have been better if Mommy and Santa had not gotten cozy under the Christmas tree, but taken it elsewhere.
But now your daughter has seen something and you want to know what to do.
She is only five, so she won’t have a complete understanding, but she probably knows that only mommies and daddies are allowed to kiss and that the only thing Santa should be taking is the cookies. She will be wondering why this rule was broken and what it means.
Obviously, the main thing is for her to know that you and Mommy love each other and her very much and this does not mean there are any problems in your relationship. And of course, that catching them kissing does not mean her stocking will be filled with coal. It’s no longer about just the two of you—you and Mommy need to decide what is best for your entire family. You need to find a way to continue with your lifestyle that you are comfortable with and it will be worth it if that’s what you really want.
Eventually all kids learn the truth about Santa. Your daughter may be mad for a while, but she’ll get over it eventually. But be more careful in the future. For example, if you guys are into the occasional bout of bestiality, make sure you take precautions well before Easter.
Madame X is a master of sex. She is adamantly pro-sex which she translates to pro-fun and pro-safety. An avid practitioner of the activity, she has also been trained in the technical dos and don’ts. No mere agony aunt, she knows of what she speaks.