Dealing with Loss While Expecting Your Bundle of Joy
I am almost six months pregnant with my second child. I have a four-year-old little girl, (my lil princess). I just found out that I am having a boy. My husband was so happy to find that out. He was jumping up and down and hugged the lady doing my sonogram so suddenly that she almost fell off her chair! I read all the books and listen to all the tips on how to make a boy; I tried my best, and got what we wanted.
Anyway, we decided not to tell anyone, and it was going to be our surprise to everyone. Everyone was making their bets and hoping for what they wanted. This week my father-in-law had a heart attack and had to be put on life support, he was drugged up for a couple of days. When they took him off the drugs to wake him up, he tried to pull the tube out, and made it very clear that he did not want it in anymore. He signed the DNR, they took the tube out, and they told us he only had a few hours to live. We were at the hospital everyday for a week being by his side all night and all day. He lasted for four days after they took the tube out. Although he could not talk due to the damage to his throat from the tube and from having an oxygen mask on, he did know we were there and would shake his head yes and no to any of our questions. My husband knew he wasn’t going to make it very long and told his father that he was finally going to have his first little boy. Of course everyone heard and that is when I lost everything I was trying hold up for the family.
Everyone expected us to name the baby after his father. We asked him and he shook his head no, he shook his head yes to name him after my husband, but we didn’t ask him if he was to be a Jr. Now everyone says that the baby’s middle name would be my father’s first name, which would mean my baby would not be a Jr., which is kind of is disappointing to me. My husband has waited a long time to have his little boy, and was looking forward to having a Jr. and I also was very excited for him. Now that the family is dealing with this very big loss, in three and a half months this long awaited bundle of joy will be bitter sweet. My daughter was very close to papa and he will never be able to see his baby boy’s baby boy. That is very unsettling to me and my husband.
My baby’s first Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthday, everything else will also be the first without pops. I am kinda confused on how to feel about all of this, there are a lot of mixed emotions going on right now, I was soooooo happy two weeks ago, everything was so perfect. Now everything is so incomplete without pops. I saw and took care of my father-in-law everyday for eight years and became very close to my husband’s family. Although I don’t know how it feels to lose one of my own parents, I hurt for the loss of my husband and children, along with the loss that I feel after knowing him only those short eight years.
We had the funeral today and that sucked; I haven’t really been that hungry, but I also know that I have to eat for the baby. I try not to get too stressed out but that is hard. I am trying to be a good wife and be there for my husband. I’m trying to be a good mother and help my little one try to understand everything that happens now without her best friend. Also, on the other hand I am six months pregnant. What am I supposed to do? Any suggestions or encouraging words? Do I tell my husband that I would still like to name the baby Jr.? Do I give the baby two middle names? If I do that can I still name the baby Jr.?