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Dealing with a Miscarriage

Miscarriage affects a woman not only physically, but emotionally as well. For me, I miscarried when I was about twelve weeks along. Having begun bleeding early that morning, I went to see my ob/gyn. She conducted a sonogram, which revealed that the fetus was not forming properly; rather than looking like a twelve-week-old fetus, it looked more like an eight-week-old fetus. And that was the reason I was bleeding. The pregnancy was just not progressing as it should.

I was thirty-eight at the time, and I had already had a boy at thirty-six. Still, my husband and I wanted our son to have a sibling. Only now, it simply wasn’t meant to be. After leaving the hospital and returning home, I felt as if I had left a part of me behind. We had so much wanted this baby. My husband and I truly believe that when we die, that child we lost will be there to greet us, along with others who have already passed on. And only then, will we see if our baby was a girl (as we had wanted) or a boy.

All of my loved ones, whether a relative or friend, all expressed their sorrow. My women friends were consoling to an extent, but in truth, it was my husband who understood my emotional pain, for he also had lost a child. When I was pregnant the first time, it was he who had the “morning sickness,” and we often joked about that. With this pregnancy, I had no nausea; we so often commented that it was probably going to be a girl. But now that we were no longer pregnant, together we cried, held one another, and comforted each other. However, time was the essential factor that helped us heal. We decided not to try to get pregnant for awhile.

Two years later, I became pregnant again. Naturally, I was so scared I would lose this baby, too. After all, I was now forty years old. But having a deep faith in GOD, our baby boy was born healthy and beautiful at thirty-eight weeks. I believe all babies are beautiful, for they are blessings from our almighty creator.

Now, seven years since my miscarriage, I still remember it occasionally. I am able to understand what women feel when they miscarry. And if I were younger, I would have another child, for my two boys are the best two parts of my life … okay, my husband is my third part. Without the three of them, life is simply not fulfilling for me.

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