Maybe you’re a single mom. Maybe your hubby travels a lot. If your kids still sleep with you, this issue can bring up very strong feelings of guilt, worry—and judgment.

Enter voice of your own mother: “What?! Your kids STILL sleep with you?!” Still, this situation is different than, say, the pacifier debate or the vaccine controversy. That’s because kids sharing your bed is an emotionally charged topic on a gut level.

We’re not talking about co-sleeping, which is a philosophical choice. And we also know that the whole kids-sleep-in-their-own-bedrooms stance is a very American one. In this country, when big kids do not sleep in their own “big bed”—but in yours!—you might even keep it a secret.

Is it because maybe, just maybe, you LIKE sleeping with your kids? Perhaps you have your reason—“Oh, the kid will grow out of it … maybe by kindergarten”—but now, kindergarten graduation is nearly here and your child is still claiming a place in your bed …?

It’s getting to be a definite thing. You say, “My kids come first”—but frankly, what about your love life? You thought you’d once again have passionate, toe-curling, spontaneous hot sex after the kids slept all night, after they were potty-trained … and now you think it will never happen.

Please tell us: Have you traded your kids for your husband or partner? Nights on the couch used to mean a heated argument … and then, WOW—the make-up sex! Now, separate sleeping is routine.

Could this parenting choice ultimately doom your relationship? Do you fear that when your friends warn that husbands or partners who don’t “get it” at home will “get it” somewhere else … might be right?

Originally published on Single Mom Seeking