My name is Alexandra. As you all already may know, I’m eighteen, pregnant, and scared. I’m twenty-nine weeks pregnant with my first child (very excited, by the way). It’s a boy! Having a baby is scary whether you’re eighteen or forty, but when you’re eighteen I think it’s a little bit scarier. I became pregnant at seventeen after losing my virginity to my now-husband (who is a great guy).
Everything happened so fast. We started dating and three months later I decided to make love to this wonderful man for the first time. Two months later, I was pregnant. I was barely discovering an orgasm when I soon discovered I would be discovering labor and childbirth. The thought of me having a baby sent a shiver down the back of my neck—not in a bad way, but, in an “Oh my God, I’m pregnant, eighteen, and have no idea what I’m going to do” way. Abortion is the worst thing in the world to me. Every baby is a gift, a miracle, a part of who you are, but when you’re eighteen, it crosses your mind lightly. My husband and I discussed it; long story short, not happening!
To be honest, the baby is not what scares me; it’s me that scares me. So many questions run through your mind in a hurry, so you have no time to analyze them or try to find a solution. Everything is just a big question mark. Am I ready to have a baby? Am I capable of taking care of another life? Am I ready to handle the responsibility of a child? Is anybody ever ready? Are there things I should know? Can anybody help? Are labor and childbirth as bad or as easy as some people want me to believe? Will I be a good mom? When I finally gathered all my questions and spoke to my husband about all my fears, he just told me that nobody is born knowing everything—we all learn as we go. There was no handbook stapled to my head when I was born, and there won’t be one on my baby’s head. We all just live, learn, and love.
All I know for certain is that I will try my best. I will love, nurture, and always be there for my little Oscar. I will try to be the best mom possible at all times. I will freak out in silence when I have no idea what to do, and I will be relieved when I call my grandmother and she tells me it’s going to be okay (and what to do). No matter what happens, I will always be Mom.
