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Finding Out Pregnancy

Four months ago when I was at work, I felt the strangest feeling in my lower abdomen when I peed. When I got back to my desk I was a little worried, but not overly concerned. Did I have a UTI? Did I eat something strange? Did I have a bad reaction? Oh well, maybe it was a one time thing, I thought, and pretty much wrote it off as a fluke. Pregnancy didn’t even cross my mind, to be honest. I mean, last time I was pregnant, I didn’t have any weird peeing issues. All I really remembered during my previous short lived expectancy was sore boobs. Besides, I really wasn’t ready to try again. I had wanted a child desperately, but after having a miscarriage at twelve weeks a mere three months before, I just wasn’t ready to put myself through another possible disappointment. My husband and I had been through enough, and we wanted to wait awhile before we made a true effort to become parents again. 

Several days went by, and the strange sensation seemed to get stronger. It was like I could feel my insides when I urinated. But, before I made an appointment to see the doctor, I decided to take a stab in the dark, and pull out the last pregnancy test bought during the happy testing frenzy that took place during my last attempt. I performed the test I had done at least a dozen times before, reading the instructions thoroughly, expecting to get a big fat negative. After all, our “attempts” at this stage had only been half hearted at best, and very infrequent. Obviously, I couldn’t possibly be pregnant yet. Three minutes later, it was a clear negative of course. But wait, was it? Mere moments later, a very faint pink line showed up. Man, had bought a cheapo test or what? At $7.99, I was sure that my cost effective mindset was the reason there was a barely visible line. 

I convinced myself for about half a second that it was really a negative result, then promptly got in the car and drove to the drugstore to get the most expensive (which in that moment translated in my mind to most reliable) pregnancy test available. I waited with sweaty hands as the older woman ahead of me in line counted her pennies, and pulled coupons out of her purse at a snails pace. It seemed like it took her nine months just to check out. To make matters worse, when it was finally my turn, I remember the register locked up. That meant I had to wait with my embarrassing item on the counter for what seemed like forever. Not to mention that I was DYING to go use that item. I considered throwing forty bucks on the counter, grabbing my test and hightailing it out of there, but cheap practicality prevented me from doing something so rash. I just kept telling myself that if I’m pregnant, I will be for awhile, so what’s a few more minutes of waiting? 

Once home, my husband yelled “hey, did you get the batteries I wanted” as I sprinted upstairs to the bathroom with my coat still on. “NO!” I screamed back, forgetting his request and quizzical look as I ran out the door twenty minutes earlier. “Leave me alone. I’m sick.” I fired at him, and he headed back to the living room reminding me that we had some of that pink Pepto stuff in the medicine cabinet. 

I unwrapped the foil on my impossibly well packed purchase, and again read the instructions for the test (they say to do that every time). 99.7 percent accurate it said, so I took a deep breath, somehow feeling a little better since this one was a clear digital brand, and there would be no vague phantom pink lines. An hourglass appeared in the testing window, and I watched it as it flipped over and over on the screen. Finally, after what felt like about three hours (in reality three minutes) it beeped “pregnant.” I jumped, and then a little joy washed over me. I didn’t think I was ready for pregnancy, but as soon as I knew I was pregnant, I was. I felt like I had gotten second chance. 

I walked down the stairs at a slow pace, feeling extremely light and blessed to where my husband was working on the computer. I placed my positive test beside him, and waited for a reaction. It was a puzzled look followed by an instant smile that was genuine and real “We’ll just keep it between us for now.” He said, and pulled me towards him in an embrace. I relished the warmth of his arms, and shed a small tear of joy for hope in the future, and also for my little angel I never got to meet up in heaven. I felt as if God were smiling down on us, giving us another opportunity, and another chance to become parents. 

Four months later, things are looking good.  Our baby is moving and kicking, and we are very hopeful that we’ll make it through to the end.

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