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God Is Not Finished with Us Yet

When I got married ten years ago, my husband and I talked about kids often. A couple of months after getting married, we wanted to start our family. We said two kids and that was enough for us. Well, we began our journey of having kids and in 1999 I was pregnant with twin boys. Unfortunately, at four months along, eighteen weeks into the pregnancy, I miscarried twin boys.

Now, we as humans do not know why things happen as they do. Only God knows that answer. We did not question anyone, not even the doctors. We just said we want kids, so we will try again. That we did and six months later, I was pregnant again—this time it was a single pregnancy that also ended in miscarriage. This time at five months along, twenty-one weeks of pregnancy. By this time we asked the doctors questions but they had no answers. So we found and Arab doctor who told us what we were looking for. She said I have a weak cervix and need a stitch to hold a baby in the womb every time I get pregnant.

Well, we tried again and low and behold, I was pregnant. This time at twelve weeks I had the stitch put in and it held until thirty-six weeks, when our now seven-year-old daughter was born. She was born May 22, 2001 at 3:25 a.m. Now after having our daughter, I got on Depo Provera and that takes a long time to get out of the system. It took us until our daughter was six to get it completely out of my system. Then we tried again and yes, it happened again, but sad to say a bad thing happened. I was at work and asked one of the teachers I was working with to watch the children while I used the restroom and a blood clot came out and I was only six weeks along.

I left work and went to the fire station a few minutes away and told them I was miscarrying a baby. They had me rushed to the local hospital and they did tests to say I lost the baby once again. My husband and I should have figured out I had lost nothing because I was not bleeding or anything. Weeks later I could not fit my clothes and my stomach began to move. I found out at a doctor that I was still pregnant, at least seventeen weeks. I had the stitch immediately put in, but unfortunately it was too late because he died at five months along, nineteen weeks. I was rushed to the hospital and gave birth to our stillborn son. Our daughter held him before they took him away.

After this loss, I got on Depo again and it gave me bad side effects so I got on the pill. When I was ready to get off, I got a new doctor and he put me on Clomid and I have been on it for the last six months with no luck. We have tried herbs and everything to get pregnant. I have heard it all—relax and it will happen or don’t think about it and it will happen. Well, another month has come by and no baby, just another period. How frustrating it gets month after month and no pregnancy. We, could adopt if we had the money but we don’t. We can afford a new baby and wish God would bless us with a pregnancy.

Now 2009 will soon be here and my husband said maybe we should just focus on the child we do have and not on what we don’t have. I think that if we pray and seek God, read his word, then we may get our blessing. I don’t know what we should do now that the Clomid has not worked. Should we keep using Clomid or just do it the natural way? Someone told me I should fast and pray and ask for God’s advice. Satan knows how to fill a person’s mind with fear and doubt. He will not mess with our mind in any way. We have been taking online classes not to forget about the baby situation but to better ourselves. 2009 I know will be a better year for us and a new life will be formed. When I cannot tell you. Even if God never gives us another child I will be happy and still serve the Lord.

I know if God can heal my mother of a brain tumor then he will in his time give us a second child. I wish we could afford on fertility treatment from a fertility clinic here in Orlando. Insurances don’t cover fertility treatments. I have even tried to apply for a fertility scholarship but we did not get it because we are already parents . They were looking at people who have never been parents before. If any doctors or nurses read this and have any advice for us then email me at chelle3290@yahoo.com

I hope 2009 is a great year for every one and that God richly blesses everyone.

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