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Harmony and Teenagers

Harmony: agreement; accord; harmonious relations.

I am living in a harmonious house. My children have been happy and I believe it is because I am calmer and happy. Up until recently it hadn’t been.

I love my daughter dearly; words can’t express my feelings about her. From the day she came into this world she was a mommy’s girl. She always wanted to be near me; as a baby she liked to cuddle and play with my hair while nursing. As she grew and showed her fierce independence. The day always ended and began with her wanting me to cuddle with her. She is strong-willed, very smart, beautiful, and tall. She is a giver, but she is also sensitive and wants to be liked by everyone. What causes rifts between us is when she wants something and won’t give up until she gets it, like breakfast in the morning. She wants me to get her breakfast in the morning before school. She will beg then plead that she is cold and then turn it into guilt that I do it for my son— even if she didn’t witness me doing anything for my son. Another thing that causes us rifts is that she is nosy and wants to know everything I am doing. I understand part of this was caused by the divorce, part of it caused because I left the house when I did leave my ex-husband, part of it because I made some bad choices, part of it because I would cry all the time. Lastly, she doesn’t want me dating. Anytime I get on the phone she needs to know who I am talking to. This drives me crazy because I want my privacy. My ex never gave me any privacy and I don’t know if my daughter is picking it up from him or if it is because of the list above. My therapist tells me that I need to tell her it is none of her business but in a nice way. I do know that my daughter needs to know that I will always be here for her, that she is my number one priority. I think in time as we continue to do things together she will realize that she and her brother are the most important people to me. I will always be there for them but I want to show them that I need to live a life too. This is where it gets tricky. I did go skiing this past weekend with a friend of mine that my kids know very well. I made sure I brought them each back a T-shirt. This was the first time I had gone away without family, but with a friend. My kids were both okay with it. I actually think that they were proud of me going skiing at a different mountain than we usually do. This is the first time that my daughter didn’t call me all day long or send me random texts. I did talk to her a couple of times but she was in a good mood and I could tell she was okay with me being away. I hope this is a sign of good things to come. As long as I continue to take things as they come, handle issues in a relaxed, calm manor rather than anxious and crying, I would like to think my kids will benefit. A situation arose that I was able to stand back and not react and it got resolved without me flipping out.

When I came home from work last night my daughter and my niece were painting each other’s nails on paper towel on the kitchen table, not my first choice of where they should be, but I let it go. However, they both decided to experiment with nail polish remover in a bowl and pour nail polish in it. I knew that they were making more of a mess but I just stayed calm and continued to make dinner. All of a sudden my daughter says “Mom don’t look over here” and I look at the counter to see purple nail polish on it. I say calmly, “That isn’t going to come off” and she says, “It will see, watch.” So she kept rubbing and rubbing, but it wasn’t coming off. I told her to use bleach; that didn’t work either. My daughter, refusing to give up, goes under the sink and finds one of those Magic Erasers and starts rubbing it on my Corian counter. That did the trick, so I said I guess those things really do work. I stayed calm during the whole disaster and my daughter was able to fix the problem without panicking. I also know that because it made such a mess she will never try that again. So a lesson was learned there also.

Staying calm is what is keeping my home in harmony.

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