I was always that person who said, “I am not having kids ever!” I know a lot of people say that and they usually have a bunch of kids and live happily ever after. I really didn’t want any kids until I found out that I was pregnant with my first child and abortion was not an option. I was not happy, but I was not sad. I guess you can say I had mixed feelings. Ok, maybe it wasn’t mixed feelings; I was scared out of my mind. What in the world would I do with a baby, not just another human being? Someone who would depend on me every second of their life. It was a really intense feeling sometimes overwhelming. I knew I was the main person who had to take care of her. Yes, her father was in the picture, but I was the main person my child would come to … I was so scared.
So many people have kids and just can’t seem to take care of themselves, let alone a kid. So now, I am looking at my child and wondering, “How can I be the best mom ever without making you a spoiled brat? When will I know the time is right to put you in school?” And so on and so on. I had a whole list of to-do’s and not to-do’s. Sooner after I realized that I was overacting and there isn’t a list that can help you make you be a good mom. So now, my princess is five years old and she is the most intelligent child I have ever met. She is also sarcastic, which blows my mind, because in order to be sarcastic, you have to be very witty—and she is. You really can’t pull the wool over her eyes because she is so smart and anything that you think is over her head she is trying to figure out and she will sit until she figures it out. We can no longer spell things that we don’t want her to know because she sounds everything out and then tell you what you have spelled. What you thought you were keeping a secret, she now knows. She has also taught me that maybe, just maybe, I take life a little too serious and sometimes you need to lighten up and I have.
So now after five years of watching her and learning what she likes and dislikes, I am now six months pregnant with baby number two. All the things I thought about before her came rushing back to my mind, but now my baby girl is a reminder that I’m not doing that bad. She’s a good little girl and most of all she loves school. Which I hated very much, but she doesn’t know that. I’m not saying she’s an angel, but neither was I. She has her diva ways, but most of all she is loved and she knows it. So now, when baby number two comes along, I have my baby girl to remind me that life is too short to take it so serious. And no matter what, being a parent is a tough job—but someone has to do it.