I was reading back through my journal that I have been keeping since I had my children, and entries like the one below are what make me glad I have written consistently over the past twelve years.
The words I wrote at the time make my memories so much clearer and evoke powerful feelings.
I find that in our busy lives, we have little time for reflection. With my journal, I can reflect at any time and have a fantastic reference book of my own life experiences.
I look forward to being able to give my girls a very special book of their own for their twenty-first birthdays, filled with lovely stories about themselves.
I fear that had I not kept this journal, my memory would not have served me as well as I would have liked. This is highlighted for me each week when I forget half of what I need at the supermarket.
Morgan is now just about to turn twelve and Paige is nine.
September 11, 2000
Today Morgan lost her first tooth.
It has been loose for about a week and I can’t believe it lasted as long as it did.
The tooth fairy has just taken it from the fairy box she had placed it in and replaced it with two dollars.
Two dollars seems so trivial an amount to place in the box for her tooth.
How can you put a price on the love and growing up and joy we have given and received from her since that tooth first came at the age of three months.
The sleepless nights as it formed in her gums, the red cheeks and constant drooling as it decided when to appear and the gorgeous grin with the dot of white when it finally came through.
How has one small piece of enamel really made me think about my time mothering and about how fast this precious time is going?
It has been such a big month for Morgan. (Not to mention the emotional turmoil for me.)
She is into the third week of her orientation program for primary school and she absolutely loves it. Just to see my first born going off to school like a little girl ready to face the world makes me want to wrap her in cotton wool like her tooth and put her away for safe keeping.
She is a full head taller than the other kids. She is just so smart that I am proud and sad at the same time.
I am so proud of how she handles situations and how she reacts with the other kids. I wonder some days if I was that sure of myself at that age, then I remember how painfully shy I was and I am glad of her confidence.
I try to be supportive of her and yet I just want to protect her forever from the world and anyone who would dare do the wrong thing by her. If she is at all as worried as me about going she hides it well.
She is excited by all she is learning as she should be, yet she asked me why the other kids didn’t all talk to her. I asked her had she made the effort to talk to them and she just looked at me and said no but they should talk to me.
Paige is really going to miss her big sister when she is at school and I think Morgan will miss her too. She feels so grownup being able to tell Paige all about school.
I am looking forward though to having some one on one time with Paige and giving her a chance to develop her own personality without her big sister monitoring her every move. She is so funny at the moment and we are having some interesting outfit choices as she wants to dress herself more often.
Nana is convinced she has no nice clothes and that everything in her wardrobe is mismatched, but that is just the way she likes it. She told her kinder teacher she likes to dress like the rainbow. Who wouldn’t?
I never for one minute thought that being a mother could fill you with so many conflicting emotions, I am so joyously proud and in love with my girls but like a mother in the jungle should any predator try to get near my young and hurt them, I will tear them limb from limb.