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Here We Go Again ... and Again

How did this happen? I mean, yeah, I’ve asked for this, but I also asked for house, a car far more superior than my ‘97 Volkswagen Jetta GLS, and Tom Brady to magically get well enough to lead the Patriots to surprise comeback Superbowl win. That was only a small portion of things I’d “asked” for. But of all those things … here I am, pregnant again, with twins. To ask “how” or “why” would only bring me back the days I regret the most—text messaging during sex education class my senior year.

So skip back to this current woe. I mean, yeah … like, I’m happy, I guess. But I’m twenty-three, and I’m still coping with the first child. I’ve just reached the “I can talk so I’ll say what I want” stage with my three-year-old daughter. This stage is constantly making me re-evaluate my parenting techniques and here I am about to start all over with double the trouble.

I’m scared, but at the same time anxious because I just want to get through this pregnancy. This one being so different than the first. With my daughter, I had no morning sickness and I ate what I wanted, when I wanted. I gained about 80 pounds. But I didn’t care. Four weeks after she was born, I’d lost it all thanks to salads and breastfeeding. But with these two, the only things I want are forbidden (who knew I’d crave spicy tuna rolls?!) and everything else doesn’t seem all that appetizing. I get frequent headaches and no sleep. If the first pregnancy was ever this bad, I don’t remember it.

Then there’s the breaking the news to my daughter. I think it will be all right … I mean, she loves everyone else’s babies. I’m just not sure what to say or when to say it. I’m not sure of anything these days. Except I need a better form of birth control.

At this point, I’m so anxious that it’s making me unbearable. All I can think about is birth and delivery. I’m only thirteen weeks. I’m constantly checking the pregnancy calendar to see where I’m at and it seems as if it’s taking forever. I need a vacation. And spicy tuna rolls. This is going to be a long pregnancy.

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