Son (random comment in the grocery store): “Mom, if I have a baby before I’m a grown-up, I’ll let you take care of it.”
Me (alarmed, life flashing before my eyes): “Huh?! Oh n-n-noooo, THAT’S not gonna happen!”
Son (incredulous): “What?! You don’t want my baby?!”
Me (trying to compose myself): “Well, no ... I mean, yes, but you’re going to WAIT until you’re old enough to have babies, right? After you finish school, find a job, get married—and then you’ll be ready to take care of a child yourself.”
Son (smartass attitude now): “Well—you can’t tell me when I should have sex!”
Me (losing it): “True. I can’t. But I’m telling you you’re not ready for sex until you’re ready to have children.”
Son (rolling eyes at me): “Duh, mom—I’d use a tampon!”
Me (laughing now, does he mean condom?): “A tampon?! Do you know what a tampon is?”
Son (sheepish): “Yeah, um, girls put them in to stop the ...”
Me (can’t believe I’m having this conversation): “Okay, well there you have it. You are so not ready for sex!”
*Notes to self:
1. Tell husband it may already be time to discuss birth control with twelve-year-old son.
2. Tell friends to lock up their daughters.
3. I gotta write this one down!