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How to Handle Not Having Your Own Kids During the Holidays?

Prior to turning forty-six, I used to refer to myself as a late bloomer. Somehow not really fitting into the “norm” of what was expected from society and others at each age of development. I just seemed to be out of step with my peers. I wasn’t really that interested in “dating” until I was in my twenties and then it wasn’t that high on my priorities, given that I working full time to pay my way through college which didn’t leave much time for extra curricular activities. 

Only a few months after graduating with my teaching degree I opened my own learning center with an enrollment of fifty-one children a day and managed a staff of over twenty women. Once again, the relationship focus took a back burner.

I purchased my own house and ran my business on my own. In the meantime, all my friends were getting married and having children. I was thirty before I met my husband and thirty-five when I had my son and forty when I had my daughter. During the time my husband and I were trying to conceive our family we received the diagnosis of infertility, with both male and female issues and faced that for five years. 

I was heartbroken and lamented that my life should be different. That I should have had children earlier, that I was once again out of synch with my friends because their families were all hitting the middle school phase and we were childless. The sense of being behind in life hit me hard some days. Now, as my friend’s children enter college and my daughter entered first grade I have a different perspective on my life. It might be my age, or life experience or the work that I have put into myself. Perhaps the word “work” is too strong, I think really it is the shifting in development to being “curious” about myself. That I am a work in progress and need to connect spiritually to my life’s mission here on this beautiful planet. 

Looking back, I wasn’t out of step, I was just stepping out in a different way. Different from what society, or the collective consciousness, feels appropriate. My life journey brought me to write two books about our fertility challenges and changed my professional direction to becoming a life coach. I now help other women during transition and creation, whether the creation of their families or making a dram a reality. If I had taken a different direction, my whole life experience would have been altered.

In no way am I lashing out at my fellow sisters who went to high school, got married, purchased their home and had their children. NO, in no way am I intending this article to criticize other women’s choice of direction. My intention is to create awareness and acceptance of where we are and where others are on their lives journey to bring us together and create energy of support. 

For me, the holiday season seems to have the ability to stir up feelings of time fleeting with all “to-do list” of the holiday season, the shopping, wrapping and giving. And somehow the unsettledness of being further down life’s roads rears its head. What I know for sure is that there are three important concepts that have the ability to instantly connect you and me to the present moment; Daily Gratitude Listing, Daily Nurturing Item and Daily Intention

I would like to encourage you to give yourself the gift of acceptance and find that one thing that you can do for yourself daily that fills you up mind, body and soul. As silly as this might sound, my daily nurturing consists of a frothy coffee each and every morning. The simple act of warming my milk in the microwave and frothing it with my $15.99 milk frother does it for me. Completing my daily gratitude list each and every day keeps me planted where I am and not dwelling in the past and rushing towards the future. Right here and right now I am grateful for my home, the family, my ability to work each and every day, the warmth of the sun and the starry night sky. All of which might get overlooked in my busyness if I didn’t focus on them for a brief moment each and every day. 

Lastly, setting my intention each day shifts my day to that of great expectation rather than being passive to my life. Setting your intention is creating how you’d like your day to go; a mini-goal. Today, I set my intention to see the all the openings that the Universe presents for me … openings in the check out lines, openings in business and openings to give love to all. These simple practices are magical in changing your focus and realizing that you are exactly where you are supposed to be, being exactly who you are supposed to be. 

By Kristen Magnacca for FertilityTies

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