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I Am a Non-Custodial Mother

I know it is NOT a popular topic; However, I am a non-custodial parent. I think that moms who do not have primary custody of their children need recognition for their sacrifice.

I am not a drug user, I do not have corrupted morals, I am not a bad person. I simply recognized that my children needed to be with their fathers instead of myself.

Judge as you will. I will not back down, I will not justify my decision with silly notions. I know who I am, I know who I was, and I know there are others out there.

We are so vilified. We are made to feel guilty about our decision. What most do not understand is that our decisions are entirely responsible. They are painful and they are not socially acceptable to this day.
What is a mother to do, I ask you, when she knows that she cannot provide the best life for her children? Her family is supportive, but only on their terms. Her ex-husband or fiancée or boyfriend has a completely supportive family who would do anything for him and his child… but those around her would rather she struggle instead of lending a hand.

Such is the fate of some single moms.

My family is loving but very hands off. I have two children by two different fathers. I was smart enough to know, at age 22, that my family would not help me with my child and so I consented to have my oldest son live with his father, whose family would give him anything he needed. It was the same with my youngest.

Judge as much as you like, but just as there are fathers who cannot handle the responsibility of their children, there are mothers who know they cannot handle the stress and know their ex-husband, boyfriend, fiancée can do it in a better way.

I am not ashamed of my shortcomings, though I have lost family because of it. I am not ashamed of the choices I have made, though others have condemned me.

It hurts, of course, but your child is more important than your pride and there are some of us that recognize it. I have a stronger relationship with both sons because of it.

They are the boys that I gave birth to, they are the ones I breast fed, they are the ones I watched take their first steps… I have been there for the first days of Kindergarten, I have been there for every significant milestone.

Do not condemn the single mom, the one that has given her children to the father in the hopes that they will have a better life. Instead, I implore you to talk to them, ask them what happened, listen to their stories. Men who have custody of their children are praised and their mothers are looked upon as negligent, irresponsible heathens.

Judge not, dear readers. Instead, listen to their stories with an open mind and do not alienate them. We need your support more than most. Though you may not agree with it, understand what it means. We love our children as much as you do.

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