I See His Pain …
I look into his eyes and I see the pain. I wish I could take it away but I can’t. I can only hope that it makes him stronger.
Someday he will face the pain and the man that did this to him and us. In fourteen years, Ry (as he likes to be called) has had to endure a lot of pain. He watched his father cause pain to his older brother and me, and as each day goes by I see with sadness, a lot of anger and frustration growing deep within him. He struggled everyday to understand the emotions that were growing within him. His pain has been growing and growing more and more everyday. His own father is the one that caused all this pain; he saw nothing wrong with leaving his son and moving to another state. He was acting like leaving was normal and would not disrupt his little son’s life. Moving to another city is one thing but moving nine hours is another story completely.
How can you continue to have a life with your son when he doesn’t even talk to him but maybe once a week? Summer visitation, Christmas, and spring break are hardly time to bond with a child. I think to myself, “ Don’t act like you want to be a part of his life and then think that paying only $7,500 a year entitles you to know him … ” He won’t help pay for braces or trips that his son wants to go on for school. Why?? Why can’t he see that this is for his/our son? I am not asking him to buy me a new house or a fancy car. I am not even asking for him to be a good father. He gave that up when he walked away from Ry. He is not a father when he thinks about himself only and not the needs of the child. I was told I am money hungry, well I guess I am because I want what is rightfully Ry’s.
When he goes to see his father for summer visitation his father will take away his ability to communicate with me. He will take away his cell phone and not give him e-mails that I send. He thinks he is this great man that loves his son but I am the one that is always here and loves our son unconditionally. That man will argue with me at any given chance and will cause as much pain as possible. He is a shallow man and does not understand that Ry and his needs should always come first. Ry has so much anger building in his heart and contempt for the struggles that he is forced to undergo because of a man that wants to be so great.
I have watched Ry and have seen the hatred building and the other night he finally let it show … He was so angry at his father that he wished we had never met. He so hates this man for all the pain that he has inflicted on us and wants to see his father to return the favor. He wants to see him so he can inflict as much pain on him that he has inflicted on us. I fear this because the pain that Ry wants to inflict on his father, which he is now calling by his first name, is enormous. I truly feel that this will not help anything but only cause so much more pain. I get accused of being the one that said the things that Ry has. Things about not liking his father for almost killing me and not liking his current wife because of how she treats me. He also does not like her because they met on the internet. Ry feels like a second class citizen when he is with them. They do not put Ry first and that is wrong.
His father re-enlisted in the service, now in the National Guard in Iraq, thinks that he has no responsibility to our son. I am fighting for insurance, child support and the dependant allowance that he is entitled to. This man has no regard for the well-being of his son. I only wish that Ry could be proud of him, but instead he currently hates this man. I wish I could take this pain away and hope that he is not his father … I know Ry is concerned that he will grow-up like him and I try to reassure him that I will not let him grow up to be like that man that thinks he is a father …
This young man, Ry, is a great teenager. He made the honor-roll for the first time and I was so proud of him. Ry, has ADHD so school and life in general can be a challenge. He will be in High School next year and I know he will do great things there. He is growing into a truly good young man. He is now off his medication and doing pretty good. I wish we could share this with his dad and how great he is doing. Unfortunately we can’t. He looks for an reason to start an argument with and for everything.
A man is only as great as those around him. I am told that I have done a really good job with my boys for being a single mother. I think the saying should be changed to “ A man is only as great as those who teach him to be.” I take pride in being a good mom and dad to my boys. I try to teach them to respect others and themselves. I have shown my boys that you should be true to yourself and treat others as you would have them treat you. I hope I do as great with him and he turns out like his older brother. I will be even more proud of Ry and his brother then what I am currently.
I don’t want Ry to ever be the cause of pain and have someone he loves feel the feelings that his father caused him or our family. I hope that Ry remembers that he is above hurting anyone for selfish reasons … Causing pain to someone out of greed or just pure spite is wrong. I believe that karma will win in the end … As the saying goes, “You reap what you sow.” Judgment will be cast on those who cause the pain that others have to deal with.