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I Tried

For the last four years … to be the mom they seemed to need. 

Allow me to share our back story. I met my s/o online in 2003, he was in Michigan, I was in NYC. We met in a single parents’ group. He’s had custody of his sons since the oldest was two and the youngest was six months; they were nine and eleven when we met. We all visited back and forth until we (my s/o) and I decided we wanted to be a family. The children have never had a sense of a mom—the kind of woman that makes you lunch, cuddles and coddles you when you’re sick, makes your favorite meals, has birthday parties, you guys get the picture. Their mom has never been in the picture even since the four of us tried to become a family. she rarely calls, promises visits than never materialize...basically a useless parent.

At one point, my s/o called me a stepmom by proxy (we aren’t legal). When the boys have referred to me as stepmom, it’s brought a huge inner grin. I know I’m not the best mom but I am the only one they’ve known for quite some time.

It hasn’t been easy … the usual issues real moms face like discipline, cleaning their rooms, manners, puberty (they’re now fourteen and sixteen), etc. They’ve been brought up (obviously by dad) and it’s been difficult. The two of us have had many issues regarding the children.

I think about the fact that they barely knew me when the s/o and I decided we wanted to do this. I still wanted to try my hand at disciplining them. It hasn’t worked. They never got the grounding that a real mom gives you and have rebelled seemingly every step of the way. The little one lies like a rug and steals, the older one has done so much damage to our home in his anger, it’s frightening and the s/o tells me they’re angry at me and at him because I tell them to do something in the “wrong” way or I say something and they don’t understand where I’m coming from. They’re angry at dad because he hasn’t spent any quality time with them since who knows when. 

So, to make a long story short, I’ve almost given up. We had a huge honest conversation last night whereupon he told me he was fed up and I told him how I felt about numerous things that have bugged me (see my previous story about alcohol) and I’m sitting here writing and holding back tears. He kissed me good morning and goodbye before leaving for work, so I’m not sure what’s going on.

I am sure though that I’m about ready to give up on the boys … it’s too late.

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