If You Give a Mom a Bubble Bath
Co-written by two tired moms, Anya Soltero and Amy Stewart-Deaker
(Based on the If You Give a Mouse a Cookie series)
If you give a mom a bubble bath, she’s going to want a glass of wine to drink in the tub.
If you give her some wine, she’s going to feel sleepy and want to take a nap.
If you let her take a nap, she’s going to wake up in a panic over all her undone errands.
If you let her get in the car and run a million errands, she’s going to need to get a latte. And she’ll see the nail salon next to the café.
If you let her get a pedicure, she’s going to want to buy some strappy sandals to show off her pretty toes.
If you let her buy cute shoes, she’s going to think they are too fancy to wear for mac-n-cheese and she’s going to want to go out to dinner.
If you take her out to dinner, she’s going to want to go to Chez Panisse.
If you take her to Chez Panisse, she’s going to want to eat everything on the menu because she feels so denied.
If you let her eat everything off the menu, she’s going to want you to remind her not to eat everything off the menu again.
If you remind her not to eat everything off the menu again, she’s going to ask you if you think she’s fat.
God help you, if you answer “yes,” she’s going to cry into her dark chocolate soufflé and require extensive validation of how beautiful she is and how she is a wonderful mom.
If you give her this validation, she’s not really going to believe you and then tell you that she’s tired and wants to go home.
If you bring her home, she’s going to want to lie on the couch and moan about how full she is.
If you let her lay on the couch, she’s going to notice her beautiful pedicure.
Her pretty toe nails are going to remind her that they would look cute sticking out of a bubble bath.
And chances are … she’s probably going to ask you to make her a bubble bath again.