I am five weeks and six days pregnant. Roll on week number twelve so I may rest easier. It’s hard to believe that just a couple of weeks ago, I was resting nervously, with my feet in stirrups waiting for my doctor to implant two perfect little embryos into my body.
The bi-weekly coffee dates with friends at our local Starbucks doesn’t seem nearly as daunting now that I am pregnant. Our local coffee shops are normally heaving with new mothers and their fresh little ones in oversized prams. At times, my mind is easily overloaded with baby cries rather than the scent of coffee—before now, a coffee date was merely a couple of hours with good company and the lingering confirmation that I was an infertile twenty-something.
And while I am elated to sport a newly pregnant belly, I am amazed at just how much confirmation I actually need to confirm such a milestone. Three HCG blood tests (with terrific rising numbers), a call from my local general practitioner, a resounding “Yes, you are pregnant!” from my IVF doctor and two home pregnancy tests later and I am still not 100 percent convinced. I suppose having those doubts of never becoming a mother for so many years are slow to make an exit. Darn, that long term memory!
We had a slight scare on last Wednesday. I awoke to a terrible downpour of rain and insisted that handsome man ‘o mine allow me to drive him to the train station as he made his journey to work. He has been quite persistent in allowing me to sleep in which has been wonderful yet, when I spotted him outside in the pouring rain, I could not bear it. After driving him to the station, I did my normal morning ritual “tinkle” (which is much more frequent these days!) and noticed a pink tinge to my toilet tissue. Those women who have gone through IVF become obsessed with checking their knickers/panties and tissue for any sign of blood. And, I was no exception.
I went into hysterics. Even the cats were pacing.
My mind was racing and all I could repeat out loud was “no, no, please, no.” The tears were flooding my face and I quickly rang handsome man o’ mine who ran home in the pouring rain. As he arrived I sat on the sofa in a heap, licking my wounds and fearing the beginning of the end. His tears were a confirmation of the same fear.
After ringing my IVF doctor in Czech Republic, I was a bit calmer. He suggested I increase my meds for ten days and if no sign of spotting, I could then return to my normal medication regimen. Handsome man ‘o mine made an emergency appointment to see my local doctor who was kind as ever and reassured us that this is completely normal as my body is going through so many changes. Honestly, new mothers-to-be should be told this on day 1.
I had yet another HCG blood test that afternoon to ensure my pregnancy hormone levels were rising and they were in fact climbing—we were so relieved.
On Friday of this week we have our first scan and I prayerfully hope we are able to see a heartbeat. We will also find out just how many heartbeats are nestled into my tummy.