Jordan Paul Wodehouse
August 19,1982-June 13,2002
My Only Son
Jordan was my only child. When he was born, my heart left my body, and wrapped around him; it wasn’t mine anymore, my heart belonged to my son. Never had such a feeling of love been a part of my life. I felt such a strong bond with him it made me afraid. I was always so scared I’d lose him and knew that if I did, I wouldn’t be able to bear it. I kept every scrap of paper he wrote on, scribbled on, every note he wrote to me, all of his schoolwork, every assignment and drawing.
I have many videotapes of Jordan and boxes and boxes of photographs. Somewhere deep inside, my subconscious was telling me, that these things were all I’d have of him someday. I know that now, as he left me on June 13, 2002. My son was everything, my life; he was as I said my only child and we were soul mates, joined at the hip, as my husband would often say. He was my little man until the day he was killed.
I will never forget the day I was told by an answering machine that my son was in a car accident and? He didn’t make it? I said to myself? What does that mean? He didn’t make it?
I knew deep down in my heart that he was gone but I could not accept it. I just sat on my couch for about forty-five minutes not knowing what to do, call in sick, call my family? I was all alone. I knew that any day he would be at my house with his band and the fun would begin and I knew now that I would never see him again and the fun would never be there again. He was my gentle giant a child of God a charismatic character who loved the world and everything in it.
I kept asking myself why, why, why? Not my boy. The boy that I had tried to protect all my life, telling him to look both ways, helping him ride his bike safely. He never strayed far from home, he always wanted to be near his home, so we had many sleepovers as when he did sleep over at other peoples houses he would just phone me at 2:00 a.m. and ask me to pick him up, and I never hesitated as I didn’t like it when he was gone either.
I kept going into his room and feeling so empty even though he was just down the road. Now I can’t go into his room, he is not down the road, and we will never come home again, he was killed in a tragic car accident.
God that sounds so unbelievable, I can’t fathom the idea that I will never see him again—never to feel his touch, smell his sweet smell, touch his beautiful hair, rub his back, or tuck him in at night and say night night don’t let the bed bugs bite. This can’t be happening to me this can’t be happening to me.
Why him? He was so good and a wonderful son and a wonderful friend to everyone he came in contact with. He was a friend for life and I thought I had a son for life. I wanted him to grow up as he was on his way to becoming a wonderful man. One day I would have grandchildren to spoil again and now I will have no one. No one to ever feel that unconditional love that is such a wonderful feeling. I never thought he would be gone at nineteen. Why my boy? Tell me someone. Why my boy?
He was so naive and so sweet he never wanted to hurt anyone why would anyone want to hurt him or take his life. It is just not fair, no one should ever have to bury their son or daughter in this case it was my little man who I adored to much that my heart is truly broken into a million pieces and I don’t think it will ever mend.
How can it? He has gone from me never to return. There are times that I get a feeling of overwhelming grief that comes over me like a veil, I would not want anyone in their lives to witness or feel this pain. It is an indescribable pain it is just like seeing him for the first time after he was born, this is all mine he came from me he was my child someone who would call me Mom and one day his kids would call me Gramma. That won’t happen anymore because of one person who decided to drink and drive and ram into his van and split it in two and he died instantly; not in nine months that it took him to grow inside me but instantly, gone in a flash. I didn’t even get to say goodbye