The Lollipop Con

by admin

The Lollipop Con

I’m not sure how it happened, but I think I got scammed out of a lollipop this morning—maybe two of them. I’ve been going over it in my head all day, trying to figure out the exact moment when I got snookered.

First, some background on what’s up with the stupid lollipop to start with.

The child gets a lollipop with one of those insidious birthday goodie bags. She decided that eating as many lollipops as humanly possible is now her goal for her immediate future. As part of my campaign of making going to the potty a priority in her life (rather than a “would be nice to do if you have time and there isn’t anything more important happening—like grass growing or something”), I’ve been giving her “special treats” for a full day of clean undies.

On Wednesday, I showed up with a lollipop. Worse than that, I showed up with two lollipops (the second one found after an intensive exploration of my bag).

“Mommy? Where did you get these?”

I was honest. I had pilfered them from work and admitted as much. Unbenownst to me, that sent the little gears spinning. This was the conversation this morning.

Child: “I haven’t had my ‘oops,’ today, Mommy.”

Mother: “Yes, dear, but it’s only 8 a.m. You don’t get your special treat until after dinner.”

Child: “Can I have a lollipop?”

Mother: “I don’t have any of those.”

Child: “But you can get one at work.”

Mother: “I suppose … but let’s just focus on eating breakfast now, okay?”

Child: “Sure Mommy.” Pause. “I love you, Mommy.”

Mother: “I love you, too, sweetie.”

Child: “You’re a great mommy.”

Mother: “You’re a great kid.”

Child: “Will you bring me a lollipop?”

Mother: “We’ll see. I don’t even know if there are any left.”

Child: “There will be. Could you bring two?”

Mother: “Look at the clock. We have to go. We’ll talk about this later.”

Child: “Will you bring me a lollipop?”

Mother: “I don’t know. Maybe. Can you put your shoes on?”

Child makes no movement toward her shoes or the door. “I’d really like a lollipop.”

Mother, putting the shoes on her. “Come on, it’s time to go.”

Child: “I think you could get two lollipops.”

Mother: “If there are two lollipops, okay. Now get in the car.”

Child flounces out the door and into the car.

I think I somehow promised her two lollipops. (Sigh) You know the worst part? There are actually two more pilfered lollipops in my bag right now.