#Love & Sex
11 Expert-Endorsed Ways to Feel Sexier and Why They Really Work
by Jasmine Gordon
It’s not always easy to feel sexy, but it can have a major positive impact on both your love and sex lives if you do. Luckily, there are a few little things you can do to instantly feel sexier for yourself and your partner.
Whether it’s been two weeks or two years, we’ve all gone through periods of time where we just don’t feel sexy. Luckily, there are some little things anyone can do to feel sxier that don’t involve living at the gym or picking up a fad diet. After all, sexiness isn’t just physical appearance. According to author Kelsie Blazer, feeling sexier isn’t about attracting a partner; it’s about that “total confidence that can make you feel smarter, funnier, and better.” And ultimately, that confidence—or sexiness—changes how we approach dating, love, and sex.
While almost no one can feel gorgeous and confident all the time, being able to boost your mind-set can significantly improve your happiness. Here are some expert-endorsed ways to take subtle action toward a sexier you:
1. Find your single beauty booster.
Celebrity Dita Von Teese is an icon who knows a little something about sex appeal. Her recommendation is to find your “one-stop beauty booster,” a single item or accessory that never fails to make you feel sexy. For Von Teese, her beauty signature is “super velvety [red] matte lipsticks.” Other women may realize they don’t feel fully dressed without a swipe of black mascara or a spritz of Cacharel perfume.
2. Follow your sexy spirit guide.
Sometimes, we just don’t feel all that attractive. Work stress, body-image issues, and exhaustion can bring us down. Therapist Dr. Brandy Engler recommends finding your “sexual spirit animal,” which is a skin you can step into for an instant boost. It might be Nicki Minaj, fashion blogger GabiFresh, or Stevie Nicks. Channel the sexy icon that works for you!
3. Chill way out.
You’re unlikely to get into “the mood” if you’re rushing home from a long day at the office. Relaxation may be required before you’re able to feel sexy. Dr. Steven Snyder reports that “if you can’t relax, sex is going to suffer.” Don’t hesitate to tell your partner you need a solo bubble bath before you can consider any other plans.
4. Seduce yourself.
Von Teese’s famous pinup aesthetic comes from a belief that clothing should be “natural and effortless.” Her preference toward back-seamed stockings and garter belts arose from a desire to please herself, not a partner. Choose clothing, lingerie, shoes, and hairstyles that make you feel good, and stick to slight variations of your sexy “uniform.”
5. Keep an inventory of compliments.
Take a bit of time to mentally or physically record meaningful compliments on your hair, your confidence, your voice, or whatever else makes you feel really good. Sexologist Dr. Jess writes that these inventories help to “remind us of our strengths.”
6. Slow down.
Don’t rush through kissing your partner, putting on makeup for an evening out, or a glass of wine. Doubling the time spent indulging in simple pleasures can double your pleasure, too. Sex author Barbara Keesling refers to this as “the art of doubling.”
7. Use aromatherapy.
While aromatherapy isn’t everyone’s preferred medium for mood setting, there’s simply no denying that scent can trigger memory and emotion in powerful ways. Sex expert Yolanda Shoshana is a firm believer that “scent stimulates the mood.” A few classic aromatherapy tricks for both men and women include pumpkin, vanilla, cinnamon, and sandalwood. However, be sure to pick a candle or essential oil that works for you specifically.
8. Understand it’s your prerogative.
Blogger Kate Fridkis advises women to understand they have the right to feel sexy if they feel like it. You don’t need to wait to feel sexier until you’re having a better hair day or wearing your flattering jeans. It’s your right to feel sexy whenever the mood strikes, without second-guessing yourself. Revel in the feeling when it strikes.
9. Listen and say you care.
Researchers have found that empathy can be a powerful turn-on for both men and women. If you feel the need to connect with your partner, take time to listen deeply and understand where they’re coming from. Great conversation can strengthen your connection which can, in turn, make you both feel a whole lot more in the mood.
10. Embrace your power.
Do you think you need to be submissive, weak, and feminine in order for your partner to perceive you as sexy? The opposite is actually true. Licensed social worker Mark Sichel reports that mentally healthy men (and women) are naturally attracted to “powerful and strong” women. Women who aren’t afraid to be assertive and confident actually have happier marriages, and almost certainly, much better sex along the way.
11. View it like a practice.
Psychology blogger Pamela Madsen is no stranger to struggles with self-confidence. However, Madsen has come to believe that it “takes courage” to love herself just as she is, without wishing for changes. Deciding to engage in self-love is a decision you’ll need to make on a daily basis. However, it’s crucial to understand that your self-perception is a powerful factor in shaping how others perceive you.
You may need to choose every day to feel sexier, but it’s a choice that you have the power to make. Be confident, and know that you’re beautiful just as you are.