#Love & Sex
13 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Had Sex
by Sierra Burgos
There’s no rule book when it comes to sex—as long as it’s consensual and you feel comfortable, that’s all that matters. But your first time can be nerve-wracking as HELL. How bad does it hurt? Will it be a life-altering experience? How do you know which hole to put it in?!? Here are 13 things I wish I had known before I lost my virginity, wrapped up and tied with a bow for your educational pleasure.
1. Sex IRL is NOTHING like the movies
…and trying to plan it out *perfectly* doesn’t mean it’ll go exactly how you wanted. As much as you hope you’ll look like Rachel McAdams, you may feel more like a character on Naked and Afraid. Watching porn can help you figure out what goes where, but don’t expect a pizza delivery boy to take off his pants for you.
2. “Popping your cherry” does not equal the red sea.
I remember thinking there’d be a moment when all of this blood came rushing out, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Some people bleed a little bit, and some people won’t notice any bleeding at all.
3. The pain shouldn’t be terrible
You can expect a little bit of pain—I mean, you’re basically trying to fit a cucumber through a cheerio—but it shouldn’t be unbearable. Half the reason I was so terrified my first time was because I feared the pain, but it ended up barely hurting at all. That’s why it’s important to be with someone who respects you and is receptive to how you’re feeling. You can take it slow and stop if it’s hurting you.
4. Don’t skip right to the main event
Foreplay is a MUST. If he tries to enter you while you’re still dry, the pain could be much worse. Play with each other for awhile before you jump right to penetration, and thank me later.
5. USE LUBE
You’re gonna want a bottle or two of this stuff. Just trust me on this one.
6. You probably won’t orgasm
And that shouldn’t be your goal—the female orgasm is highly unlikely your first time, and it’s even harder to achieve if you’re stressing out about it. Don’t believe that 50 Shades of Grey crap. You probably won’t have a mind-blowing orgasm until you’re more comfortable and experienced, even if your guy is Christian Grey.
7. You’re more likely to enjoy it if you are familiar with the person
Losing your virginity (or your “flower” as Monica would say) to that random guy from the bar isn’t as comfortable or special as experiencing it with someone you know, trust, and are attracted to on a physical and emotional level.
8. You won’t get attached to the first person
News flash: you are not bound to this person forever. I kept thinking I would get attached to the guy who took my virginity, but that’s a bunch of bull.
9. Everyone is nervous
No, really. Even if they don’t admit it, everyone is a little scared their first time. Even the second or third or fourth time can be nerve-wracking—you aren’t alone.
10. Stop when you want to
You can stop LITERALLY whenever you want to. By no reason are you obligated to keep going, and you absolutely aren’t responsible for helping your partner finish. If it doesn’t feel right, it’s more than okay to stop.
11. Please, for the love of God, pee right afterwards
I learned the hard way that UTI’s and yeast infections are way too real. I know they always cuddle after they bang in the movies, but the cuddles can wait. Even if you don’t feel like you have to pee, GO PEE.
12. OWN your sex
Don’t let ANYBODY tell you what’s right or wrong when it comes to your sex life. If you like to ~indulge~ in sexual activity, you GO girl. If you decide to wait, I’ll respect you just the same. It’s 100% YOUR choice—never be ashamed of that decision.
13. The first time won’t be the best time
Thank goodness. Even if your first time is good, I guarantee that sex just gets better and better.
It only goes up from here.