#Love & Sex
17 Sexpert Tips to Help You Have the Hottest Sex Ever
by Jasmine Gordon
If you’re in the 59 percent of women who “enjoy sex a great deal” but feel like you’re not necessarily performing at your best with your partner, we have just what you need. Trust us; a little sexual education can go a long way. Why settle for good sex, when great sex is just a few tips away? Here are our favorite bits of sexpert advice for turning up the heat in the bedroom.
Declutter Your Bedroom
If you and your significant other tend to be buried in your smartphones when you get into bed, it could be taking a toll on your sex life. Sexpert Simone Bienne recommends converting your bedroom into a “sanctuary for romance.” Say no to a TV in your room, excessive clutter, or anything else that can stand in the way of your love life.
Don’t Be Afraid to Get Loud
Don’t be afraid to express yourself vocally during sex. Chances are, your partner won’t mind if you make a little noise. In fact, sex researchers and authors Christopher Brya and Miguel Almaraz have found that for 80 percent of men, hearing their partner make “screams, moans, groans and more” is a major turn-on.
Bring a Vibrator into the Bedroom
Vibrators and other sex toys don’t need to be reserved for solo play. Sexpert Ethan Imboden reports that 79 percent of women who use a vibrator alone have also used it with a partner. Imboden recommends letting your partner watch you use the vibrator on yourself first as a teaching tool, and then letting them take control.
Get Tested Together
Sexologist Dr. Rachael Ross is a huge proponent of safe sex. She believes that new couples should make a point of getting tested together, because “knowing your partner’s status is key.” Ross advises couples to purchase at-home STD testing kits, which can be incorporated into date night. Of course, if you’re not fully sold on the at-home method, your physician can provide STD testing services. The most important thing is having an honest conversation with a new partner.
For many women, it can be difficult to feel “in the mood,” particularly after a stressful day of work or school. Sex Therapist Desiree Spierings recommends implementing “bridges,” or habits for undwinding between work and romance. Sharing a glass of wine, receiving a foot massage, or taking a bubble bath can be tools to help you forget the worries of the day.
Foreplay All Day
If you and your partner have been together for a long time, you may be looking for ways to spice up your sex life. Spierings recommends shifting out of the mindset that foreplay should be “5 minutes” in bed before you have sex. Instead, Spierings is a firm believer that couples should “foreplay all bloody day,” by sending intimate pictures, cuddling, and taking the time to compliment each other.
Women May Benefit from Visual Stimulation
Traditionally, women and men believe visual stimulation is primarily a tool for men. However, sex photographer Sarah Small isn’t sold. She’s a firm believer that porn depicting “real intimacy” can be a major turn-on for many women—and that’s totally okay!
Get to Know Yourself
If you haven’t explored masturbation extensively, you may have trouble achieving climax with a partner. Angel Snow recommends that women commit to “solo sex” for a month to really get to know their bodies and preferences.
Don’t Worry About a Lack of Experience
It’s common to be self-conscious about a lack of sexual experience, but sex educator Dr. Logan Levkoff believes there’s no such thing as an “advanced” practitioner of human sexuality. Your total number of previous partners shouldn’t have a big impact on your performance. Per Levkoff, the only thing “that matters is how you’re approaching the present experience.”
Sex Shouldn’t Be Painful
While many women experience feelings of pain during penetration, this isn’t normal. If dryness could be the culprit, consider using a water-based lube. If pain persists, sex researcher Debby Herbeick recommends talking to a gynecologist or dermatologist. The cause could be any number of correctable issues, from allergies to skin disorders to low estrogen.
What Men Want Could Surprise You
Sex Therapist Dr. Brandy Engler reports that the most common complaint she receives from male patients is a “lack of openness” from their female partners. But, chances are, your partner doesn’t want you to push your boundaries in ways that make you uncomfortable. Communicate effectively in bed and you can both find things that turn you on.
Ask to Orgasm First
Sex educator Chris Maxwell Rose is an advocate for women achieving orgasm “before penetration.” In many cases, men may actually prefer this approach, because there’s no question that you’ll both end up satisfied.
Involve All Five Senses
Multi-sensory sex may be the hottest sex of your life. Life coach and sex educator Lora Anderson recommends incorporating elements that engage all of your senses, such as silky-soft sheets, scented candles, nice wine, gorgeous lingerie, and a perfect soundtrack.
Sex Therapist Joy Davidson believes that a healthy body and regular exercise is key to having the hottest sex. Exercise can benefit your body, mind, and nervous system, making you more receptive to sexual attention.
Put Energy into Your Sex Life
Sexpert and author Dr. Laura Berman is a firm believer in the “energy in, energy out” concept when it comes to relationships and the quality of sex you share. Berman recommends sharing “new and adventurous” activities in and outside the bedroom to spike your dopamine levels; this can make you more receptive to feelings of sexual desire.
Know Awkward Sex Happens
Chances are, your friends aren’t having perfect sex. Sex can be a little awkward, and that’s okay. Sexpert and health expert Joshua Rosenberger writes that “people need to understand that sex is fun—fun and funny.”
Sex Should Be Safe
Blogger and social worker Feminista Jones believes there’s more to safe sex than protection and STD testing (though these elements are very important). Jones states “we should enter into sexual relationships also feeling mentally and emotionally safe.” The most important key to hot sex is a partner that you completely trust.