#Love & Sex
20 Signs The Person You’re Dating Is A Dud
by Sierra Burgos
Sometimes in relationships, we can get blinded by the good parts. But what about the not-so-good parts? If your significant other fits any of these descriptions, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship.
1. They don’t listen
You want to be dating someone who’s genuinely interested in what you have to say. Do they ask about your day? Do they listen to you, even when you ramble on about the One Direction concert you went to in high school? Or are they just waiting for you to finish so they can get a word in?
2. They don’t support your ambitions
You need someone who doesn’t laugh at you for wanting to be on TV someday, but supports you 100%. They’re there for every road bump and promotion along the way. If they can’t appreciate a woman with goals, then maybe they don’t deserve one.
3. They flake on your plans
You always have to reschedule your plans with your S.O. because they cancel so often. If they really care about you, they’ll make time for you, even on a busy schedule.
4. They take too long to reply to you
You text them back within minutes, and they take their sweet ass time responding. Texting them gives you butterflies and you get excited every time your phone buzzes—but they take FOREVER to reply. It could be that they’re just a bad texter, but it could also be that talking to you doesn’t interest them as much as it does for you.
5. Your friends don’t get along with them
Most of the time, you have to defend them in front of your friends because they don’t particularly like your S.O. Your friends know you best, so if they aren’t digging your bae, maybe that should raise a red flag and you should talk to them about it.
6. They haven’t introduced you to their friends/family
You know that guy, Andrew, your bf/gf always talks about? Why haven’t you met him yet? You’ve heard all about the time he accidentally set his hair on fire, but you still haven’t been introduced. It should be normal for the person you’re dating to want you to meet their friends—suggest getting a group together for drinks or bowling and see how your S.O. responds.
7. They don’t ask you questions
…And I’m not talkin’ the Lil Wayne verse in Drake’s “HYFR” (Do you love this shit? Are you high right now? Do you ever get nervous? Are you single? I heard you f*cked your girl, is it true?). No, I mean real questions. Are they genuinely curious about your past, your beliefs, your accomplishments, and your goals? Or is their most common question, “U up?”
8. They only want to see you for sex
It seems like every time you hang out, they want sex—and then they leave shortly afterwards. Sex is great, but it’s not a reason to stay with someone who doesn’t care about you. Try spending time together without the intention to have sex—test out a new recipe or have a picnic in the park. If they can’t make time to see you aside from sex, the relationship isn’t worth it.
9. They don’t care about important things
Did they vote in the last election? Do they have an opinion on world issues? Have they ever picked up a newspaper or turned on the news? They don’t have to be a genius by any means—but they sure as hell should care about more than just the newest Call of Duty video game.
10. They don’t respect the things you like
So you have this obsession with elephants. Or maybe it’s a geeky boy band. Or finger painting. Or meditation. They don’t have to like it, but they should still respect the things you like—no matter how unique. Because after all, you sit through Packers games with them and try your hardest to be interested. They should reciprocate.
11. They make you insecure about your body
Okay, this is me waving a big red flag in front of your face. THAT IS NOT OKAY. In fact, it’s never okay. You should love your body and so should they. And if they make comments that have you feeling insecure, drop them. Nobody needs that kind of negativity in a relationship.
12. You feel the need to change to please them
You shouldn’t have to change who you are to make a relationship work (unless you’re a d-bag, then maybe consider changing).
13. They compare you
“Well, my ex always liked it.” No no nononono. They should NEVER put you in comparison with someone else—especially one of their exes. You’re your own person, and they have to respect your differences. It’s already hard not to compare yourself to everyone around you, but to have your S.O. pointing it out for you? Pass.
14. They make you doubt their feelings
Forget all that “play hard to get” crap. If they like you, they should make an effort to show you. Nothing’s more annoying than wondering, “Does he actually like me?” If the person you’re dating truly likes you, you’ll never have to wonder.
15. They don’t compliment you
Um, HELLO? You’re a damn masterpiece and you deserve to be treated like one. Not saying they should douse you in compliments every second, but they should remind you how special you are every so often. And there’s a difference between “you look hot” and “you’re a beautiful writer”.
16. They don’t take you on real dates
Newsflash: “Netflix and Chill” isn’t a date. While it can be fun to just snuggle and watch a movie, your S.O. should also take you out on real dates. Try a new restaurant, get outdoors, or hit up a museum. If hamsters can do it, so can you.
17. They try to control you
Just like they’re allowed to hang out with their friends, you’re allowed to spend time away from them doing your own thing. If they get mad when you want to have a ladies’ night or chill time with the bros, that’s something you need to straighten out.
18. They peaked in high school
SOS! If they still talk about being on homecoming court or taking the basketball team to state, you should be concerned. The rest of us have adult lives, with adult accomplishments (ones that are better than getting first place in a cheer competition). Sorry, but grow up.
19. They don’t take responsibility and own up when they make a mistake
Date someone who isn’t afraid to admit when they’ve messed up. Whether they flaked on your plans, or compared you to that girl across the restaurant—did they own up and apologize? Or did they get defensive and try to sweep it under the rug? If they’re not mature enough to take responsibility for their actions, they won’t be mature enough to work through your problems together.
20. You find yourself wondering if it’s worth it
If at any point you start to doubt your relationship, listen to yourself. Be honest and ask yourself if your S.O. checks any of these boxes—and if so, have a conversation with them. Maybe they’ll get their ass in gear and strive to be better for you. And if not? Buh-bye. You deserve better than a dud.