#Love & Sex
7 Things Women Ask About Sex (Behind Closed Doors)
by Kate Silver
This Passion Parties rep has spoken with thousands of women about what they want—and what they want to buy. She gives us a peek into the bedroom.
Dana Froneberger has a unique view into the sex lives of women. As an executive director with Passion Parties, Froneberger’s job is to facilitate in-home events that showcase toys, edibles and intimacy enablers that spice things up—think Tupperware party, with titillation. At each party, after she shares information about an array of products, the guests are individually invited into a private room to place an order. That, says Froneberger, is when the floodgates open and the questions come pouring out, about intimacy, orgasms and general va-va-va-voom. In 11 years, she’s spoken with thousands and thousands of women. “They’re sharing challenges that they may be having, issues they would like to find an answer to, asking questions that they wouldn’t ask their friends, their mothers, their doctors,” she says. “But they’re sharing them with you.”
In true journalistic style, we asked her for the dirt, but, try as we might, we came out pretty clean. It turns out, no matter how many magazines, movies, and TV shows tout the Secret to Setting Your Sex Life on Fire!, most of us just want to know if we’re normal and what we can do to make the boudoir a little more fun.
Froneberger shared with us her thoughts on women and sex, and then commented on the Passion Party’s top 10 selling items.
MORE: What questions do you hear the most from women?
Dana Froneberger: It really boils down to the basics. Women want to know how they can improve their intimate relationships. They want to know how to spice things up and create renewed interest or a renewed spark in their bedroom—that elusive, “how to have better sex or how to have great sex.” Everyone wants to know how to have better sex and how they can enjoy it more.
MORE: What do you tell them?
DF: Truthfully, it starts with communication. Foreplay starts way before the bedroom. And, if you know what feels good, you can comfortably share that with your partner. You learn by doing, so sometimes if women don’t do, they don’t know. It’s not like they’re educated. You have to really figure that out. No one’s telling you talking about that. Your doctor’s barely talking about it. No one’s talking about it. You’re not learning it in school, you’re not learning it from your parents.
MORE: What’s one thing that not enough women know about sex?
DF: I think women don’t realize how important their clitoris is, and how many nerve endings it has. They think penis plus vagina penetration equals orgasm. But 75-80 percent of women cannot orgasm without clitoral stimulation, so there’s a real small segment of the population that can.
MORE: What’s one of the challenges you find that women have with sex?
DF: I think women get stuck in their head a little too much during sex, and they’re concerned with whether they’re taking too long, or what they should be doing, or the faces they’re making. But your brain is a really important sexual organ too. So many women are juggling so many things in their lives, they just need to shut that off, enjoy the moment, be present, right there, breathing, and feeling the sensations and enjoying the connection with their partner. Sometimes they don’t realize it until you say it to them, that this is normal. They want to know that they’re not the only one out there experiencing that.
MORE: What do women want to learn more about?
DF: G-spots. Oh my gosh.
MORE: How should women be more empowered in the bedroom?
DF: I feel like, as women, we’re kind of responsible for our own orgasms. And we have to know what feels good in order to communicate with our partner, so that starts with us. It’s not someone else’s job to give us an orgasm, we need to make sure that we get one. And in my opinion, one of the worst things that a woman can do is fake an orgasm, because it reinforces the action to their partner that whatever they’re doing worked. It cheats you out of the great feeling of a real orgasm and might leave you feeling resentful or unsatisfied in your sex life. Because you’re not getting the release of what you really need.
MORE: What should more people know about women?
DF: People don’t realize that women are complex sexual creatures. I’ve heard it noted before that men have three buttons on their dashboard and they all work in any order. Whereas women, our dashboard is like the cockpit of a 747. We have 1,000 buttons, every woman is different and likes different things, and the same woman may not like the same thing the very next day.
Men, they want to please you. They want to feel good, they want to feel like they give you pleasure, so if you do share with them what does feel good and reinforce that, you’ll have better sex.
Passion Parties Top Ten Products (in no particular order)
The following 10 items are the top sellers from Passion Parties. Froneberger shared her comments on each.
Pure Satisfaction Unisex Enhancement Gel
“Women are like a crock pot and need time to warm up,” says Froneberger. This gel is a gentle stimulant that will get them (and men) there more quickly, resulting in greater sensitivity in both sexes.
Pure Instinct Roll-On
This roll-on cologne is full of pheromones, the naturally occurring chemical releases that can act as a sex attractant. “It’s a sexual attractant pheromone cologne that works with your body chemistry and smells different on everyone. So, some people smell very fruity and some people smell like sandalwood or coconut or strawberry.”
A water-soluble, non-staining lubricant. “A great, water based lubricant that will activate in water. It’s been one of our core products for a long time.”
Candy-Licious Cotton Candy
Cotton-candy flavored oral gel. “This is an oral gel, you can lick it off and it actually tastes really good, like cotton candy. No aftertaste.”
Single Kegel Ball
Great for beginners, the single kegel ball can be used in exercises to tighten pelvic muscles. “This is a newer item but it’s been flying off the shelf. Who doesn’t want to tighten up their kegel muscles? It’s really important to use and exercise the muscles so you don’t have sneezing/running/laughing incontinence.’
This hands-free, rechargeable, waterproof toy has two motors and six functions to stimulate multiple areas, inside and out. “We Vibe 3 is awesome.”
With two motors—one in the clitoral stimulator and one in the shaft—and eight functions, this battery-free toy is known as the “little black dress of sensual toys” and can last up to four hours. “This is for the girl that wants one toy that’s going to work every single time.”
Discrete and petite vibrator with 10 speeds/variations. “It’s great for on-the-go, and for when you need to be very discreet.”
Talk about multi-tasking. This remote-control couples’ toy slips over the penis and stimulates the clitoris, while also slipping into her as a vibrating bullet. “A fabulous couple’s toy. It really adds a lot of sensation to the stimulation you’re getting from normal intercourse. It kicks it up a notch.”
A multi-speed toy that targets the G-spot. “What’s great about this is it does not look like your typical vibrator. It would not draw attention, so that’s fabulous. And because the head is bent a little, it’s also great for massaging your neck and temples and back.”