#Love & Sex
How “Relationship Goals” Might Be Ruining Your Relationship
by Alisha Humiston
The social media frenzy of #SquadGoals, #RelationshipGoals, and #LifeGoals has taken over, but how can it effect your relationship? We got the scoop from NYU Adjunct Professor and author of Leadership Step by Step: Become the Person Others Follow, Joshua Spodek.
You’re Comparing Your Relationship
“Relationship goals” feeds on comparing your relationship to somebody else’s. Seeing other couples can put pressure on your relationship and may have you starting to question where your relationship is at. Several of you friends are getting engaged or taking vacations with their significant other, should you be doing the same? NYU Adjunct Professor, Joshua Spodek said, “Comparing your relationship to others’ can impact your own, but it’s hard to generalize that. It all depends on the individuals involved and the relationship they have with one another.” No two relationships are the same, so it’s important to take things at your own comfortable pace.
You’re Praising Strangers
Some people feed off of social media’s ability to only show the public what you want them to see. Somebody else’s idealistic photos were more than likely planned in one way or another and posted to showcase the best times in the relationship. In reality, you know nothing about these people and their relationship, and the photos are quite possibly all for show and relationship reassurance.
You’re Allowing Social Media to Play a Role in Your Relationship
Technology can play a large part in your relationship, but it can also be just as detrimental. “When I see people who are constantly on social media I notice they tend to have a shorter attention span and get distracted easily,” says Spodek. Don’t let your phone cost you your relationship.
Set Your Own Goals For Your Relationship
Setting goals for you future is something we’ve all done, but more couples should be setting goals for the relationship. It’s really important to really think deep and objectively rather than jumping the gun on milestones. According to Spodek the top things he sees in a strong relationship are: problem solving skills, listening, understanding, and support. “These all play a part in each other. For example you need to be a good listener in order to understand what you partner wants or could be going through to then support them in the best way.”
We’ll admit those pictures of #RelationshipGoals couples may be really, really cute—but be sure to put it in perspective. Would you really want to have someone hold your hair for you while you eat spaghetti, or ask you to wear matching shirts to a theme park? Keep yourself and your partner in mind before you start comparing your relationship.
Communication Is Key
There are several aspects of strong relationship, but communication is one of the most important. Joshua Spodek commented, “Having a conversation is essential, but your behavior says a lot more. It’s also important to be consistent in your behavior so your partner receives the message that congruent with your actions.”
You’re Not Self-Aware
According to Spodek self-awareness is the starting point. It’s how you can overcome various influences in your life and helps you to address your mood, outlook, and even your goals. He suggests looking inwards if you aren’t satisfied with what is going on outside.