#Love & Sex


by The 4-Way Panel


Texting has become a go-to form of communication, but what’s its place in a relationship? Our panel of experts weighs in.




Dear 4-Way,


What’s up with text messaging? Why don’t people just call? —MF




The gay woman’s perspective: Jody Fischer



Don’t take it personally, text messaging is a generational thing. Friends in their twenties and younger text message me, while my friends in their thirties and above can’t be bothered. Just because technology keeps changing, doesn’t mean we change along with it.




The gay man’s perspective: Darren Maddox



If I can name one mode of communication I could certainly live without, this would be it! Seriously, I have to agree with you, MF. People who carry on entire conversations by texting back and forth rather than picking up the phone for five minutes CHAP MY ASS! If you’re running late and you just want to alert me that’s fine. But if you want to turn into some digital Casanova with me it’s not going to work. Texts may be cute at first when they’re flirty. But when you get one you don’t know how to “read”—it just becomes an annoying internal conflict when you question the tone in which it was delivered.


The way I see it is this; if I wanted to pass notes back and forth with someone all day I’d re-live third grade. I evolved in my mode of communication and hope the others in my life have as well.




The straight woman’s perspective: Rebecca Brown



For the love of laziness, I have no idea. I’m fine with it for utilitarian purposes (“I’m on my way!”), but I hate it for dating. Maybe I’ve got a little too much Charlotte York in me, but I think it’s absolutely inappropriate to ask someone out on a date via text unless you’ve already crossed the line to boyfriend or girlfriend and have seen each other naked. Doing so before then—at least with me—decreases chances of said nakedness. I don’t understand why people (men, in my case) don’t get this: treat me like a lady and eventually—if you’re lucky—I will not act like one. (And you can quote me on that.)




The straight man’s perspective: Chris Kennedy



Did you text this question? LOL! OMG JK


I’m a non-texter, so this colors my answer. Yes, texting has a place. A very small one: You’re in a crowded bar, you’re on mandatory voice rest, you’re held captive and your voice would alert the guards and bring on more torture.


Otherwise, I agree, stop texting and start talking.


Especially as far as dating is concerned. A phone call must be returned with a phone call.


If you text, you’ve just spelled out the end of the relationship. TTYL.