I, your mother and personal chef, agree to provide as non-“disgusty,” child-friendly, and nutritious a meal as possible on the condition that you, my children, agree to attempt to eat at least one bite of the aforementioned meal. Any screaming or crying regarding the “disgusty-ness” of the meal, barfing noises or flinging of food across the room will nullify the one bite. An inability to make another tasting attempt will result in the loss of said meal. As a family we also agree that I, your mother, will not make individual meals nor prepare second meals when the first does not meet your specific and often vagrant standards.
In the event that these conditions are not met, I reserve the right at any time to remove all other foods from your reach, wrap up your unsatisfactory meal, and present it to you at each subsequent meal for up to twenty-four hours. In the event that hunger still cannot inspire you to eat, I will agree not to serve the rejected foods for at least, but not limited to, two weeks, at which time we will try again. I also reserve the right at regular intervals to completely lose my head and scream, “Don’t you know there are starving children in Africa who would be grateful for the chance to take one bite of anything?”
These conditions are subject to change at any time, according to my temper and tolerance. Compliance with these standards in highly encouraged in the interests of family harmony and maternal sanity.