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My Child Spreads Pregnancy Rumors

As a parent of an only child, my husband and I are often her playmates. Allie has many cousins and friends to play with, but at home, it’s just us. I suppose for her this is getting boring, because she has recently been coming up with suggestions to thwart us as her playmates.

Her first and most recent idea was to spread pregnancy rumors about me. While most pregnancy rumors are the brainchild of a smutty tabloid about a superstar, Allie conjured one up and reported to both sides of our family in secret.

“My mommy has a baby in her tummy,” she told them.

As if her small rumor wasn’t enough, she eventually decided to expand her fortress of lies: “My mommy is having a brother and a sister for me.”

So the alleged baby in tummy soon developed into a set of fraternal twins. Our relatives eventually ratted her out by asking about the rumored (and false) pregnancy. She was very disappointed that plan was squashed and soon developed a new one.

“I’m trading you guys in,” she told us at dinner the other night.

“Trading us in?” we asked inquisitively, never quite sure what she will come up with next.

“Yes, if I can’t have a brother and sister, I’m trading you in for a new mommy and daddy.”

“Where will you get a new mommy and daddy from, Allie?’ I finally broke down and asked.

“Target,” she replied swiftly. “They have everything.”

And so if you don’t see me in the near future, my daughter traded me in for a new mother at Tar-jay. 

What is the funniest thing your child has done lately? Are they spreading pregnancy rumors? Are they trading you in?

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