by Audrey Rose
I got married quite young … but the title of the story has nothing to do with the man I married. Do you believe that soulmates are not just about lovers or friends? It’s hard to believe, I know, but I have a soulmate, and that soulmate is my daughter. As I watch her grow, I’ve seen things that are somewhat similar to how I was when I was young. Families and friends would even tell me that she looks a lot like me when I was her age. I felt that maybe this is god’s way of telling me that if I screwed up my life by marrying early, maybe I can guide my child to make her own path different from mine.
Although my mom is a hands-on mom, she works around the house like clockwork without even missing a beat. But I felt that she’s never been a friend I can confide in. Although she always tells me what to avoid, always telling me to be careful, she was really not there for me emotionally as I was growing up. But nevertheless, I love my mom so much. I would say that the generation gap between me and my mom is one of the factors that causes us not to see eye to eye most of the time.
But I wanted to be different in dealing with my daughter and my son. I wanted to be their friend first and mom second. My growth as a person may have been stunted for a while because I became a mother first before I became an adult, but I don’t want it to hinder me from getting close to my children. I will never be able to change the mistakes that I’ve made along the way, but I can still guide my children from not making the same mistakes. But if somehow fate throws me another curve ball, this time I know what to do … I will swing it hard.
Chloe and Andrei are still young, but I don’t miss in reminding them that what we do with our lives now, and how the choices we make will definitely make a big impact in the future. I can never shield them from the pain and hurt, but they can always be sure that I am there to lessen the impact. I can never be the best mom in the world, but I know deep in my heart every day I am trying to reach that. One time I asked my daughter who is her best friend, and I thought she would say me. But I got the disappointment in my life when she answered “Airie,” her classmate. So I said to her, ohh, I thought I’m your best friend. Then she replied, oh no, mama, you’re my best friend.
One day they will go and find their own lives … But once they want to come back, my heart will always be open. All warm and welcoming, never closing, never ceasing to comfort them. But for now while they are young, I will guide them and fiercely protect them from pain. If I had to, I would give my own life to save theirs.