Let me start off by first saying that I am a divorced parent, just over a year now, with two kids, an eleven-year-old daughter and a fifteen-year-old son. My son has been involved in Marijuana and Ecstasy (however you spell that) since March. He got caught at school in March with some drug paraphernalia and was suspended from school for about a week and had to attend a drug class for a month. He went to court, had to pay a fine, and was grounded for months. Then in July, he was caught stealing a lighter and once again had to go to court and pay another fine.
Now yesterday, he was caught at school with a bong! The vice principal called me to come and pick him up from school, and once I got there he told me what they found. Now my son has been doing really well in school, in fact he’s on the honor roll, which is why he said he bought the bong because he wanted to celebrate getting on the honor roll. The vice principal and I said that he needed to find another way to celebrate instead of doing something like that. We left the school and I immediately called my ex-husband and went to his work. Now my ex-husband and I do not get along at all, in fact I have a protective order against him. When we got to his work he was parked down the street from his work with his boss in the car, so that he could witness the event in case I decided to say he did something he didn’t do, whatever!
At any rate I’m torn as to what to do here. I’m awaiting a call from the vice principal today to tell me whether or not he’s going to suspend him for the standard forty-five days for a second offense or not, he said he doesn’t know what to do because he is one of the smartest, if not the smartest kids in the school, and not just academically either so he’s torn.
After we left my ex-husband I went over to this drug rehab place for kids and got some information about it. My son told the lady that he didn’t feel he needed rehab because he could stop whenever he wanted to this was just going to be a one time thing to celebrate. She asked what I wanted to get out of the program and I said that he needs guidance on how to handle these kinds of situations, because obviously what we are doing isn’t enough nor good enough. And he needs to be shown how to make the right choices. My ex-husband said to me, while we were discussing the situation at school yesterday, that I am too lenient with my son because I allow him to sleep over at his friends house when I have him.
Now we swap on Friday’s and I’ve made a deal with my son that he can have a sleepover either on Friday or Saturday night’s at his friends as long as his grades are good and he’s staying out of trouble and helps out around the house. He’s been doing great with this so I have allowed him to do this. I always know where he is and who he’s with and he doesn’t leave their house unless their parents go with them, and a parent is always home when he’s there. So it’s not like he’s totally unsupervised, besides I call him about three times when he is over there. So my ex-husband started in on me about that and I immediately stopped him and said I was not dealing with that right now. When my son goes to court in a month they aren’t going to let him do that drug class again and just pay a fine they are going to make him see the judge and he’s going to put him in Juvenile Hall, which I think needs to happen and if he doesn’t I’m seriously thinking that I am going to suggest that. But at the same time it breaks my heart to think of him in there, same as with the rehab. Because he doesn’t have a drug problem, but if he doesn’t stop doing this then he is going to down the road.
But then I have people telling me that they did that when they were his age, and yes it’s not right and I am doing the right thing by reprimanding him, but at the same time they turned out good, got good grades, went onto college, and have a good job, so try not to be too hard on him by having him go to Juvenile Hall and rehab. Then I’ve got others that say they would take away every privilege from him, never let him have his phone back, delete his MySpace account, and take him out of that school. And me, I’m somewhere in the middle. I’m thinking scare him with the rehab, wait until January to see what happens at court and in the meantime, yes no phone, no internet, no friends ... just grounded. And then if we end up paying just a fine, then we continue the grounded efforts until the school quarter is over, and as long as he’s still on the honor roll then he can slowly have his privileges back. The concert going, cell phone, internet, friends, slowly until school is over. He’ll be going onto high school next year and have even more influences there and I just need to know that he’s going to make the right decisions. We had him in counseling earlier this year after his first drug offense, but the counseling sessions didn’t really seem to help him, he was bored and said that they didn’t ever really talk about anything and I couldn’t get him to go. So the counselor said that if I was having to force him to go it wouldn’t work. So after about four sessions we stopped going.
So I guess I’m posting this so get some feedback from all you lovely people out there who may have some suggestions, or anyone who has been through this for some guidance. I’m pretty naive when it comes to this subject, I’ve never done a drug in my life, I drink on occasion but that’s all. In fact when my son told me he had some seeds at home I thought that he actually smoked them, but I guess you plant them and grow them like any other seed. I know pretty dumb of me, now that I look back and think about it I don’t know why I would think that.
Please help me!