Nine Reasons BabyCrunch Sucks

by admin

Nine Reasons BabyCrunch Sucks

Yup, you heard it here first. BabyCrunch sucks, according to one of my pals. This buddy of mine randomly throws out his bits of wisdom as nonchalantly as any guy would say American Idol and/or Dancing with Stars sucks. With the latter I would agree without inquiry in to why, but in this case I had to ask why he thought BabyCrunch sucked.

Of course, this statement is coming from a single guy whose life consists mainly of going to work, playing Xbox, and trying to convince me to tag along with him on the weekend to singles bars and of course watching him strike out on chicks. He may not be in our readers’ demographics, but I really wanted him to tell me why our site sucked.

His top nine reasons are:

1. I don’t get it.
Is that a question or a statement? It’s quite simple: Big Mamma (the wife/co-author) likes to write and I’m (me=Dad2B) a Web developer. We thought doing a blog together would be a good way to kill two birds with one stone. Unfortunately, we couldn’t come up with a general theme that we could agree upon until Big Mamma got knocked up. She has the perspective of being pregnant and I have my own, so why not share both on our suck-worthy blog. Pretty simple.

2. Your titles suck (the same ole adjective).  
Really? I thought some of them were pretty clever and accurate:

  • Reuniting With My Boobs (classic title)
  • I am a Walrus (not quite yet)
  • Hot Yoga Farts (it happens)
  • Cranky & Crafty (yup, she is)
  • Is It Baby or Bowels? (it could be both)
  • A “Pee-Stick” Speaks a Thousand Words (duh)
  • So Meaty: How Not to Raise Your Children (reference joke)
  • Breastfeeding Gone Wrong (not the greatest title, but anything about breasts is a good title)
  • Pin the Pee-Pee on the Baby (ouch)
  • Holy-Baby-Turds: Elimination Communication (no comment)

3. You don’t say anything on the “About Us” page.
Of course we do, but it’s short and sweet. Actually, Big Mamma has never inquired into this. For me, well, let’s say I’m a bit hesitant to reveal my identity to strangers (that’s you). In truth, I haven’t thought of anything clever to say. Maybe I should just post this post under “About Us.”

Who’s Big Mamma and Who’s Dad2B  
BigMamma = wife, temporary nine-month host, and impending mother. By the way, BM is not really big; she just likes the name Big Mamma. I think the name makes her giggle.
Dad2B = me, guy, sperm donor, dad to be (clever), and neurotic in keeping his identity a secret.

4. You use fragmented, incomplete sentences and misspell words.
Hey, I’m an art major and I don’t really care if my sentence structure sucks and my spelling is horrific. I probably won’t even proofread or spell-check this post. By the way, no one probably reads our blog … remember, it “sucks!”

5. Nobody besides impending grandparents care to see your ultrasound photos.  
You might be right on this point. But did you see the size of that thang? Wholly-COW!

6. Your humor articles are not that funny.
Yes they are! You just don’t have a sense of humor. My article about Dr. Z, Gyno Extraordinaire is brilliantly funny.

7. Who would buy anything off your storefront?  
My wife would. You should see all the new baby crap we have acquired through Big Mamma’s individual purchases and/or through her baby showers. I think we have some cool stuff on our storefront and it’s guaranteed by Amazon. Wait a minute, have you seen our custom gear? Very popular among single men. How come you don’t have one?

8. Who cares about Murphy?
He is our test child. The wife wanted a baby so we compromised with a dog. I didn’t really want a dog and was very hesitant about getting one because I knew it would be a big responsibility and would possibly cause problems to a lifestyle that I was accustomed to. Boy, was I wrong. I couldn’t adore anything more. Getting a dog before having kids is a great idea in my book. It’s extremely good practice for things to come. Since he is our first-born, he just seems natural to include him in our posts. If you don’t like Murphy, then we don’t like you!

9. Who would read your blog?
He must have since he was able to come up with nine reasons. Beside trying to keep family and friends up-to-date of our current status, maybe someone like myself who was never really ga-ga over babies for the majority of his life and is now waiting hesitantly for the wife to pop. Or maybe someone like my wife who wanted a way to creatively document the experiences she is going through and share with others who are going through similar things during the course of a pregnancy. The site is about two different perspectives (man/woman) during the pregnancy and birth of their first child.

There you have it, nine reasons why BabyCrunch.com sucks according my friend. Do you agree?