One day my children and I were on our way to the store. A police car passed by us when my five year old son and I had this conversation:
My son: “Mom, can you go to jail for putting too much toilet paper in the toilet?”
My son: “Can the police man arrest you if you put too much toilet paper in there?’
(Side note: This particular son has gotten in trouble several times for putting too much toilet paper and other various items in the toilet which caused some plumbing problems and a visit from Mr. Lorenson the plumber. He has been told numerous times that he better not clog up the toilet again or he was going to be in trouble.)
Me: “No, you will not be arrested or put in jail but if you clog up that toilet again you will feel like you’re in jail when you get grounded to your room.”
My son did not say much of anything else on our way back from the store. And I understood why when we got home and I went to use the bathroom. Take a wild guess what I found: one very clogged toilet and one very guilty boy whom I did not have to say one word to as he headed towards his room with his head down.
This next one I am about to tell you took the cake for the most creative excuse used by a child to explain his behavior.
I had just gotten home from work and was attempting to fix dinner when my eight year old son came in. He was being extremely loud and running back and forth from the kitchen to the living room all the while making obnoxious noises. Now on another day I might have had more patience but this day I was very, very tired so everything he did seemed to be magnified by a hundred. (Any parents out there know what I’m talking about?) I was sooo tired I didn’t even feel like saying a word to him. I thought maybe I could just ignore him and he would stop but the lack of attention I was giving him only seemed to fuel his already hyper behaviors. So then we had this conversation:
Me: “You know better than to run in the house. Stop being so loud and stop making all those crazy noises.”
My son: “But mom I can’t help it.”
Me: “Yes you can help it and you need to go sit down somewhere and calm down.”
My son: “It is not my fault. My shirt is making me act this way.”
Me: What do you mean your shirt is making you act that way?”
My son: “Mom, look what it says.”
Just then I looked down at his safari looking shirt and saw that it said “Born to be wild”.
Me: “Please if that is the case I need to get you a shirt that says, “Born to be quiet and do what mom says when she is tired”.
So if you see me around town wearing a shirt that says “Born to be skinny” you know I am testing out my son’s theory.
Last but not least I am going to leave you with some medical advice that was given to me by my son. (I am sorry ahead of time if this offends anyone.) One day we were coming home from school when my son said this: “You know you can die if you don’t pass gas?” I was a little stunned and didn’t say anything right away so he went on to explain. “It’s true. If you do not pass gas when you need to the gas will go back up into your ribs and then your ribs will explode so if you have gas make sure you get rid of it because if you don’t release it you will die.”