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Phoenix in the Dark

It is often difficult going through life feeling like the people who are suppose to love you the most are never there for you. You feel as if they have thrown you away, like a rag doll that they no longer want. That is how I have felt most of my life.

At the age of two-and-a-half months old, my mother passed away with breast cancer. I was told by family members that my mother had the opportunity to hold me only once when I was born. To top that off, my birth was premature due to the fact that my mother’s cancer was trying to get into the placenta with me and take my life as well. The doctor decided that it was urgent that I be born via C-section at an Oklahoma City Hospital.

Thinking about how my life began in such a dramatic way, with no one there to really take care of me, it is a wonder that I have a sound mind today. I look back over at the little things that have happened in my life. I am amazed that the God of Heaven chose me to live in this world and to help others (being my own children, and others who looked up to me for guidance) when I couldn’t even help myself.

I am totally amazed at the awesomeness of God and how he brings people into our life to fill the voids that are there and give us exactly what we need. My grandparents on my father’s side stepped up to the plate and took my older sister Lanette and myself and raised us as their own.

Of course, my sister and I had many questions as to why our mother passed away. We wanted to know why our dad remarried to a woman who did not want anything to do with “his” kids and then turned around and had two other girls with him who were “their” children. We were all raised apart, and are still apart to this day. It is a shame that I have a two-year old nephew that I have never seen before. The only reason that I know his name is Connor is because I happen to find my youngest sister’s Facebook and she had posted some photos of him on there.

Is this what God intended family to be? I am curious because this has confused me for years. To be honest, I have no faith in my “family,” meaning my natural father, my step-mother, or any of my step-mother’s family. It is also difficult for me to have a relationship with the siblings of my father because I no longer trust them.

I am so glad to know that God is our true comfort and friend. No matter what storm is raging, He is always there when we need him the most. Even in our darkest moments, God has never failed me.

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