I’m fifteen weeks pregnant with our first child. Most people I have come in contact with love being pregnant. I mean love being pregnant. Or at least they say they do. I see pregnant women everywhere now and they are glowing, humming, smiling, and looking so in love. While I’m over here feeling and looking like I have just pulled a five-day bender or some sort. I am beginning to feel guilty. Is it ok to not enjoy being pregnant?
“Pregnancy is different for every woman,” is what everyone says, but the underlined notion that you’re supposed to love it stills lingers. I know I’m still early in the pregnancy game, but I can’t see it getting any better. This is supposed to be the easy and nice time right? Mourning (Yes, I spelled it correctly) sickness has subsided and the hunger for crap food has begun. This isn’t me though! I may not have been the healthiest person on the block, but I did think before I ate. Now I can not control my urges for Captain Crunch Peanut Butter cereal or Fritos. Fritos?? Seriously ... where did that one come from? No, not enjoying this.
Control is the key word. I can not control that my body is being stretched every way possible. Which I might like to add is a constant, every minute reminder that my body and life are altering and I have no control! I could control what I eat, but then I get a little agitated. OK ... I get down right mad! If I want to eat a freakin’ hot dog then you better serve me one with an assortment of mustard and condiments! Not really, but that’s what is going on in my mind. The control I used to have over my daily life has now been taken from me and handed to a being that is growing inside me. No, not enjoying this.
Maybe I’m jumping the gun. Or being a little pessimistic. Whatever the case is I want to lay in bed for the next five months and do nothing. Why can’t human’s lay eggs? Life would be grand! However, that is an unrealistic dream and what we need to focus on now is reality. The reality of the situation is that I’m only going to get bigger, hungrier, and more agitated. I’m also going to begin feeling my baby moving soon, buying little clothes, and preparing for my house to become home to a family and not a young married couple with dogs. Maybe I’ll enjoy this situation then. But for now ... no, not enjoying this.