Pregnant and Terrified
I found out I was pregnant on my 27th birthday. I’d had a feeling I was for a little over a week—for me those early symptoms included tons of gas, a queasy stomach, tender breasts, and a strong sense of smell. I chose to take the test on the morning of my birthday, thinking it would be such a wonderful addition to an already festive day. Little did I know that my personal emotional response would be tears and terror.
My husband and I have been married for a little over a year. We chose to get off of birth control, we waited a few months with alternate methods, and then we ‘went at it’. Through this entire process I kept commenting about how I wanted a child. Everywhere we went, when we saw little children, I would turn to my hubbie and say, “I want one”.
Which is why when I finally find out I have one, it was so incredibly scary to not only feel terrified, but to wonder if I even wanted to continue forward. What happened to me?
I’m happy to report that my husband was tremendously supportive. He told me that we had time to make a decision and that he thought everything was going to be okay. He managed to be excited and happy, without allowing those feelings to pressure me into feeling something else. He soothed my tears, made me food and encouraged me to talk about how I was feeling. I feel so blessed that he is such a wonderful person.
We’re still discussing our plans. I’m still not feeling 100 percent convinced, but knowing that he supports whatever decision I make helps to give me the space I need to really explore and understand my feelings. Through articles like this and others on the web, I’ve come to understand that I’m not alone. Despite the theory that I was prepared for this to happen, it’s still normal to feel overwhelmed and out of touch.
As any logical woman would do, I immediately made an appointment to see a therapist. She suggested that my worries may be coming from feelings of being restricted. That I don’t get to make my own choices, and especially that my body is no longer my own.
Each day is still a struggle, but each day gets better. The joy is starting to creep in, as long as I continue to let it, all will be well.