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In Search of a Father's Love

I can recall the incident as if it just happened. In actuality it happened on June 2, 2007. It had been two years now since I came to grips that one of my sons have an addiction problem. He had been out on one of his binges now for a few days. Now at the age of seventeen and just days before his birthday, he walks into the house and I could tell right away he had been drinking. He stopped in front of me and stared directly into my face and said, “All I want is for dad to listen to me”, and he walked on toward his room. As I turned to walk off I heard this echo—Searching For A Father’s Love”. I immediately went to my room and wrote this out.

In Search of a Father’s Love:
Searching for a father’s love and a hand to hold.
Don’t know which way to go in a world so cold.
Searching for a father’s love in this world below.
Questions coming from all around are drowning within their soul.
Depression is sinking in and telling them that you don’t have the time.
They only want to hear you speak - to their troubled minds.
Please take the time to listen to your sons reaching out to you.
You just might have the solution to help them make it-
during these perilous times.
A mother can only tell them how to be a man.
You are the main example to model out this plan.
They are growing up quickly and don’t know which direction to take.
They are seeking for your attention so they won’t make so many mistakes.
Please listen to them closely and read between the lines.
Take just one moment and give them a little bit of your time.
Wrap your arms around them and show them that you care.
They are searching for your love-
So please don’t leave them in despair.

 This was the same stare that I received in Dec of 1987 after coming home from the hospital with my second son. Due to complications in the pregnancy I had delivered him by c-section just days before Christmas. A new boy weighing six pounds and 131/2 ounces. The doctor sent me home Christmas Eve and instructed me not to do anything but follow up with health instructions. I got settle in for the night and learned my spouse had been invited to a Christmas party by a friend he had not seen in years. Later on that night there was a knock on the door and my spouse was being held up by his friend. He stared me in the face and said, “You should have been praying for me”. I snapped back,   “You should have had your behind at home”!  Thank God for salvation. His friend put him on the bed and left and I return to the front. I wasn’t allowed at that time to be on the waterbed. This is what I called my storm of “Awakening”. This was a part of my husband’s past he had not shared with me. As the boys grew I continued to see the evidence more and more.          

We must realize that it takes both parents in this day and time to raise the children. So many fathers are incarcerated or unemployed or just refuse to stand up and be a man. They will call their sons “mama’s boys” but fail to realize if they stepped up to the plate and helped out they could change that. So when the son’s tell me what they are lacking from their dad my response is “Do better”. Well how can they do better without proper role models? I have learned from my Early Childhood Educations Guides to Speech and Action to model the behaviors we want our young children to learn. So shouldn’t this be the same thing when it comes to raising the young men and daughters if you are fortunate to have one? In my case I only had sons so I speak from my experience of  ministering to them and watching them grow up. I can tell them how to be a man and what I expect from a man that’s as far as I can go. It takes a man to teach them how to be a man.

I learned from my sons they needed to hear more from their father. He was in the house and working at that time. But often once he got in it was as though his life stopped there. I would encourage him to have father outings with just them. When he did the boys enjoyed it. But as they grew older it seems those visits got shorter too. Then it all came to a halt when he packed up in March of 2010 and moved to another state. His response when reading the poem  for Father’s Day was “they are grown and they know where to find me”. Does our love stop because they are now past eighteen? I don’t understand that logic but all I can do is my best and continue to toil on. It’s a new day and time I am told but often we must consider the old path.

So many generational curses are passed on from generation to generation. I believe someone has to take a stand and break the curse. I applaud the fathers who are fulfilling their role and I also pray for those who need to “Do better”. Our generation of today needs you. I often wonder what they will tell their children when they grow up and have children of their own. What imprint are we leaving for them?  My sons continue to search and I just pray that they find mentors that will impart into the values of “a father’s love”.

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