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Struggling after a Divorce

Here I am with not one, but two college degrees, and I cannot find work in a city of 70,000+. Little did I know that when I left teaching at the college level in 1999 to be a stay-at-home mom, that my then husband would walk out on us. But life does have its unexpected and surprising turns.Two years later after the divorce (three years if you include one year of separation), here I am....

I have two wonderful sons (ages 8 and 13) that are the inspiration of my life. For them, I wake up, aching all over (oh, did I mention I was diagnosed with Lupus and S'Jogren's Syndrome during the separation/divorce period), but I muster through each day somehow. I have no medical insurance so I deal with my aches and pains. They are the reason I live.

I love them dearly, and I tell them so daily. My boys are intelligent and hard-working, excelling in school. Despite I cannot find work, I still tell them that a college education is needed in order to succeed in today's society. This was the message my single, divorced mother instilled in me. And I still firmly believe in this, despite I cannot find work.

I have faith in God, knowing He will never desert me or give me more than I can handle. But lately, I'm beginning to wonder....what exactly is His plan for me? I am barely making the mortgage payment, along with other monthly expenses solely on my measly child support (of $672/month). If I don't find work soon, we may be out on the streets.

Which brings another mind-boggling worry for me? For the past year, my ex husband has been making more money in his new job, that is out of the state of Texas. So the logical solution to do is have the Texas Attorney General Office of Child Support review his salary. Right? Not that easy. In the past year, they have been unable to locate him, despite I have provided the address of his now new employer; oh, I forgot, they already have that since I am receiving child support. But having recently gone to court, I am now told that they still cannot locate him. And it will have to be rescheduled again (for the third time).They know his employer, but have no clue as to where he is now living. Sounds difficult to believe. Wish I had the money to hire a private child support agency since it is obvious the government office is not doing their job.

And I wonder why I have trouble sleeping at night? I thought my insomnia might have something to do with my Lupus or perhaps, due to my menopause. Still, as one mother on television put it: "Mothers do not sleep. They worry with their eyes closed at night." Yep, this is me. I spend many sleepless nights, reading, writing or watching my boys sleep. I definitely enjoy doing the latter....watching them sleep, without any care in the world, wiping the tears from my eyes, wondering when is God going to come into my life and help us?

I am a good, caring, honest person, raising my boys with morals necessary in this violent, deceitful, uncaring world. Just last week, my oldest son found a 10 dollar-bill outside his school library. He picked it up, and turned it in to the librarian, never once thinking of keeping it for himself. THAT moment definitely made my day, obviously bringing tears to my eyes. And with their daily hugs and kisses, I relish these rewards of being a mom. A poor one, but nevertheless, a mom!

For now, I continue praying to God and to my grandmother, who recently passed away. She is my new angel. I know if she were alive, she would say, "Have faith in God," and this is exactly what I do.

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