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Ten Signs You’ve Been Living with Children Too Long

1. When you flip on the TV when you’re home alone, it takes you a good ten minutes to realize that you don’t have to watch Dora, the Explorer

2. All of your rubber bands have wound into a ball that is now wedged between your couch cushions. 

3. Whenever you hear someone yell, “Stop!” you reflexively shout, “One more time and I’m sending you all to your rooms!” And then the police officer directing traffic stares at you. 

4. You’re starting to think that all the doorknobs in the house came with pink glitter on them. 

5. You’re down to your last pair of underpants—again—because you need to get another load of soccer/baseball/lacrosse/karate uniforms washed right away. 

6. All of your beach towels have cartoon characters on them, and you like to stick your husband with the Disney Princesses one. 

7. You think your car’s operating manual should warn people to clear soccer balls, wiffle ball bats, driveway chalk, beach buckets, kid-sized folding chairs and piles of rocks from behind the wheels before backing out of the garage. 

8. All of the books on your nightstand have pictures in them and not much in the way of plot or believable dialogue. 

9. Your calendar is filled with birthday parties for various people named “Isabella,” “Jacob” and “Max,” all of whom know you as “your child’s name here’s mom.” 

10. The handy drawer organizer you bought for your scissors and tape, etc. is filled with three broken crayons, a blue paper clip that has been twisted until it’s unusable, two bubble gum wrappers, cookie crumbs and a dried out piece of Play-Doh shaped like a coiled snake. 

Originally published on MommaSaid

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