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The Things I Never Thought I Would Say …

I’m not sure who offered up the great prompt, “The things I never thought I’d say” but the author deserves a big thank you. This call out to the community brought in such great confessions that I wanted to share them all in one place: So read on … and send them along to your friends. They are hysterical!

“The things I thought I’d never say … ”

To my kids:

Milkshakes don’t go in your back pack.

We don’t lick bricks, honey.

Don’t pee on your brother in the living room.

I’ll help you walk on the ceiling after I finish the dishes.

Can you just lay off arts and crafts for awhile and watch TV? At least that’s not messy!

Get your shoe out of your mouth.

Daddy has his diaper on, so you need to put your diaper on too! It worked.

Put your underwear on. I’m tired of seeing your ding-a-ling.

I’d be happy to talk about fungus later.

No growling at the grocery store!

If you don’t get off the floor I am gonna leave you here and get a new baby!

That’s a tampon, not candy. Spit. It. Out.

No honey, people aren’t hatched. They come out of the potty place!

To my teenage son:

If you’ re going to wear eyeliner, buy your own.

To my teenage daughter:

Oh, you’re bisexual? Well, don’t categorize yourself—you have the rest of your life to determine your sexuality.

To my husband:

Sure, I’ll shave your neck.

About myself:

I want another baby.

My ex-husband.

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