Things I learned as a child:

* Acquiring a taste for burnt food usually nets you the first and last batch of cookies all to yourself.

* Sisters can’t keep secrets.

* Grown-ups always believe the first one to tattle.

* You have twelve years of school to learn everything you need to know about life.

* Dads are smarter than moms.

* The best meal includes a fried product, a baked product, gravy, and dessert.

* Being a kid is hard because you have to follow all your parents’ rules.

* Being a parent is easy, you just have to watch your kids grow up.

* Boogers make good glue when hanging pictures on the wall.

* Moms smell good.

* Babies smell bad.

* Santa Claus doesn’t really skip the bad kids, he just holds on to the presents until February.

* Chocolate is a good investment.

Things I’ve learned as a parent:

* Kids will eat anything if they’re hungry enough.

* Sisters can keep secrets.

* A good tattler prevents many catastrophes.

* You will never know everything.

* Dads and children are the only ones who believe that dads are smarter than moms.

* Any meal is good if it’s prepared by someone else.

* Being a child is easy, all you have to do is grow up.

* Being a parent is hard because you have to make sure your children grow up right.

* Boogers freeze in your nostrils in the wintertime.

* Moms smell good because they must constantly wash up messes made by the children.

* Babies smell good.

* Santa Claus shops at Wal-Mart.

* Chocolate is a good investment