Thirty Things I Learned from My Grandsons
First of all, I need to mention that this is my experience with my grandsons. Results may vary with other grandparents. You may also have items to add to this list.
I was blessed with three daughters. As they were growing up, I mistakenly thought that all children were like them: patient, kind, and sharing. They are now grown and have children of their own. They are good mothers, and I’m proud of them. They have given me four grandsons and two granddaughters. The granddaughters are pretty much like their mothers were at various ages.
The grandsons, however, are completely different. Oh, my goodness, what a difference! Here are some things I learned. If any of these apply to your granddaughter, feel free to make the substitution (and you have my sympathy).
So here is my little guide on grandsons:
If you are wearing any kind of shirt, you automatically have a towel, napkin, or tissue. The dirtier it is, the more comfortable it is. And you have a running list of everything you ate that day.
If anyone displeases you in any way, hit them. This works especially well if you have some kind of inflexible toy in your hand. If you don’t have anything in your hand, you can always pull their hair.
In lieu of hitting, biting is good.
If you are bored or sleepy, you automatically have a toy down inside your diaper or pants. This is easier if you can get naked.
When you get tired of food, toys, or drinks, just drop them where you are. Someone else will clean it up. This is especially entertaining if you can throw it and watch their reaction.
Whatever you want takes precedence over what anyone else wants.
When all else fails, make lots of noise. It is good entertainment.
Body noises are best if you don’t have anything else to do. Burps, farts, snorts—anything.
If your brother or sister looks like they are having fun with a toy or food, go take it away and wait for the hollering. Then pretend that they wanted you to have it. That’s why you took it.
If your brother or sister takes something from you, act like it is the end of the world and make lots of noise. Then refer to Chapter Two.
If someone talks to you or asks you a question you don’t want to answer, ignore them. It is great fun to stare at them as they ask it over and over in different ways.
Only do one task or thought at a time. Multi-tasking is highly overrated.
Running is the only way to go anywhere.
Climbing is the only way to get somewhere.
If you can get your hands on a stick or any kind of tool, hit something. Hopefully, the object will break.
After it breaks, it ceases to be any fun. Find something else to break.
If you can’t find anything to break, try your brother or sister.
Try to climb up on the windowsill. Hopefully, you can open the window and destroy the screen.
Any locked door goes to the top of the list for things to figure out. If it is locked, there must be something really good behind it.
If someone tells you “no,” that only means you have to try harder to get your “yes.”
If someone tells you “yes,” it loses any interest it once had.
Anything an adult puts up high has got to be good enough that you try to get it. This is similar to the locked door. If they don’t want you to have something, it must be interesting.
Playing in dirt or sand isn’t fun unless it gets in your hair, mouth, or other body parts.
Playing outside isn’t any fun unless there is dirt and/or water involved. The exceptions being if a brother or sister is already out there and you can torment them.
If you ask for one piece of candy or other treat and they say “yes,” ask for more and keep going until they say “no.”
If you are told to go take a bath, or change clothes, or go to bed, act like you don’t understand the term. You can stretch this out for quite a long time if you look innocent.
If you can get grandma to sit down on the floor, she becomes another toy; and you are free to jump and crawl all over her. This isn’t necessarily bad if the grandma is also having fun.
After grandma finally gets down on the floor, change your mind and want to go outside. It is great fun watching her try to get back up and standing.
Ask to get down a game with lots of pieces. After opening it and setting it all up, scatter the pieces, change your mind, and run off to play. You will have several minutes alone while grandma gathers everything back into the box.
No matter what you do grandmother will always love you.