The Truth about Our Kids
Over the years and, after raising four kids, I have finally understood the words of the prophet, Khalil Gibran when he said that, “Your children are not yours but the sons and daughters of life.” Sometimes we try so hard to make a perfect life for them that we lose ours in the way. We struggle for them because we don’t want to see them struggling and suffering. We cry ourselves to sleep trying to find a solution for their problems. We ask ourselves what did we do wrong, what did we miss?
This is the truth I have found. It does not matter how much we try, our children must go through their own experiences, good and bad. They need to hit the ground, as we probably did at one time. This is the only way they will learn how to take responsibility for their own existence. Trying to make their lives easier is not helping them, but reassuring them that no matter what they do and keep doing, we will always be there to bail them out but, what would happen if we can’t be there?
I have learned that no matter what we say or how many times we try to give them some good advice, they will always end up doing what they want, what they think is right for them. We can cry, fuss, and get upset; it does not matter. They have a mind of their own and will act and think as they believe. We can’t interfere in their choices, especially those related with their love life. When they believe they are in love nothing, absolutely nothing will make them change their minds. We can’t decide what they would become in life, because each of them was born with their own passion. They must find that passion by themselves and then live it. We cannot be attached to our kids to the point that our own lives depend on them because then we end up heart broken and lonely. We can’t take any of their decisions personal. It is not about us or against us. They are just doing the same things we did when we were young, living and learning.
In the end, all that we could do is play the observer game. Observe closely, give advice if you are asked to, and stay away to see what the outcomes will be. Be there to support them if they fall, as well as to hug them and celebrate their accomplishments.
We were used as the vehicles to bring them into this world but they do not belong to us. This might sound hard at the beginning, especially for the mothers out there, but the faster we understand it the better off we will be and feel. We gave them the tools they needed to live and survive, then we need to let them make use of it their own way.
Does all this sounds familiar? Of course, it has been our own story but it takes being a parent to realize what we went through, what our own parents went through, what we would have done different, and the mistakes we have made. Our kids have to go through the same process. If we survived they surely will too.