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Trying for Our First Child

I’ve always loved children and always knew I wanted to be a teacher, however I never thought about being a parent … sure I had dreams of being in a loving marriage, with children we both adored as much as we did each other, but as you all know those sort of dreams in today’s world just do not happen that often. As I got older (I’m twenty one years old now) I started focusing more on my education and career because after watching my parent’s marriage fall apart when I was young, then all of my uncles’ marriages (one had been married for seventeen YEARS!)  come part and the last straw were my aunts’ marriages, I figured what was the point in really getting that involved and putting everything you had into a relationship when it was doomed to fell anyway?

Well in November of 2006 I met this guy on MySpace of all places … and I still wasn’t interested in a relationship, but he wanted to become friends and after him trying for about a week straight to just get me to talk with him I decided why not? Everyone can use more friends … well the Friday after Thanksgiving he came down to visit me, instantly we connected like we’d known each other all our lives, it was so simple to spend time with him joking and playing video games and just being me. He asked me out that night stating that he’d known he liked me from the first minute he’d messaged me on MySpace asking to hook up and I told him to get lost, that it showed I had class and could be respected and trusted. Once he was able to talk to me on the phone he’d known he liked me even more (we were on the phone or internet with one another pretty much ALL day long and both of us were working). Well I wasn’t too sure about dating still but I said yes anyway, on Saturday he took me out to eat and asked if he could order for me to show how much he’d actually known about me just by talking with me for the last few weeks, so I let him and he got the order PERFECT. After that we went shopping then to see “Happy Feet” (our first date movie, lol) where he asked me to move back to where he was living with him … it completely caught me off guard and I obviously told him there was no way I was moving with some guy I didn’t know that well not to mention my job and mostly my self respect and independence. He respected my decision and left it alone … for a little while, later on we were having dinner and were discussing what we each felt was right in a relationship and I told him I could never JUST live with a man without being married to him, it was just the way I was raised and I wasn’t so sure I’d ever be married because of the fact I had such trust issues about it due to family history. He sat there for a little while longer talking to me and then abruptly stopped and stood in front of me and asked me to marry him, I just sat there completely shocked and thought for a few minutes about how much this man, that had ONLY talked to me for about three weeks prior to meeting me face to face and had only spent one day in my company knew SO much about me that no other man I’d ever been with had noticed, so I said yes.

David and I were married two weeks later on December 9, 2006. Pretty much instantly we decided we wanted a baby, and knew we’d be the best parents in the world, but we wanted to have more to offer … I was still trying to work toward my degree and my husband was in the Army at Fort Campbell (he had joined three years before we met). He was suppose to get out in September of 2007 but instead reenlisted in January of 2007 saying he knew how to do his job and enjoyed it for the most part but most importantly it was a sure way to take care of his family. Well my husband and I tried and tried to have a baby, and when we found out he was deploying toward the end of the year we panicked and attempted to get fertility help … we’ve been married for over a year now and STILL have yet to get pregnant, however my husband is deployed now and will be home for his midtour very soon where we hope to try again and actually succeed.

We have secured ourselves a home that we own, have the ability … finically, emotionally, physically, and mentally to care for a child, not to mention our child would be in a VERY loving family … My dream is to be able to give my husband his first child, and mine. At one time we thought I might be pregnant because I was staying sick and I was late, but when I finally started I was so upset because I was looking forward to being a mother, but seeing the disappointment in my husband’s eyes just broke my heart. Later on we found out my sister was pregnant … she had NOTHING … as a matter of fact her boyfriend was a pedophile, and they live off family members, neither work nor support themselves and they have this wonderful miracle.

I felt so betrayed by God that he’d give this … my dream to my sister, yet not even let me experience it when I was SO ready for it. My husband and I had some problems during this deployment in the beginning and in that time I was SO thankful to God for not letting me get pregnant because I was so afraid if I had been before he left, that I would have lost the baby during that rough time due to stress. Now however we’re stronger than ever and are once again looking forward to our future as a loving and happy home with the laughter of children … so we are once again trying while he’s on midtour. I will be praying that all of you trying out there have your prayers answered, I know how hard it is to get your hopes up to only be let down.

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