I never understood or at least I thought I understood what love means of feels like until the first time I laid eyes on my baby, he was so tiny, sweet, and helpless. All I wanted to do was to protect and love him.
My son Oratile meaning God’s will, was born on the 20th of May 2003, I found out I was pregnant when I was only six weeks and my mother named him at eight weeks into the pregnancy. At the time we did not know if it was a boy or a girl but the name works well for both sexes. I went through all the hormonal changes that all pregnant women experience except for morning sicknesses. It wasn’t a really easy a pregnancy but I managed to pull through the nine months, the estimated due date was the 21st but due to health circumstances, he had to be delivered on the 20th by Caesarian.
It all started with a headache the entire night and fortunately my mother was with me, morning came and she took me to hospital, I was admitted with high blood pressure and later during the day the doctor decided to induce labor. Since he’s my first and only child, the dilation process was extremely slow so she decided to operate. At ten past ten that night, he was born and the doctor told me that he’s stubborn as he did not want to cry after he was born. When they woke me up after the operation, the first thing I asked was where’s my baby”? The nurses just said he’s fine and sleeping. I was worried because my tummy was still big and I thought maybe he was still inside.
We went home and like any other baby, he had his issues with colic, sleepless nights followed. He slept during the day but come nighttime, he would cry like someone was hurting him or something. Fortunately, my mom was there. She would sing lullabies, do everything that an experienced mother would do but he wouldn’t stop crying. Whenever my mother sang to him, he would scream even louder that even the neighbors would hear him, then I said to myself, he is indeed stubborn. Never the less, after a month or so, he got a lot better. He slept a lot better at night and I was so relieved because I could also rest.
Five days after he turned three months I had to leave him. I missed out on most milestones because I found a job outside my town and had to leave him, I left him in the capable hands of my mother and he quickly grew. I missed out on so many things, when he started to crawl, his first teeth, his first steps, first words … everything that I would have loved to experience.
He has really grown and it does not feel like I have missed out on so much. It feels like I was there every step of the way. He is my reason for breathing, I have never experienced such intense emotions, emotions that I can’t explain. Whenever I look at him, I`m overwhelmed my warmth inside, joy and contentment. He is my world.
I always compare parental love to God`s love towards us: He forgives anything and always waiting for us to come to Him, no matter how upset I can be with hin, I always find it in my heart to fogive and move on like I was never angry with him.
I guess that’s what unconditional love is.